In How to Train Your Dragon—the 2010 animated film and the surprisingly good 2025 live-action remake—a young Viking named Hiccup lives in a village that equates worth with how well you can slay dragons.
But Hiccup is awkward, curious, and terrible at fighting—everything his father and classmates wish he would change. Yet when he starts to outwit the dragons, those who once mocked him begin to welcome him. He begins to fit in, but he still doesn’t belong.
That story reminds me of today’s workplaces, where we too often celebrate those who shapeshift into the existing culture and side-eye those who bring something different.
This is a problem, as Brené Brown argues in her new book Strong Ground. In this era of disruption and uncertainty, organizations must learn to care for and value people for who they are. This post explores a few ways to do just that.
Missing Each Other
Years ago, while working for the State Department, I helped orchestrate a major event in Senegal. At the closing ceremony, I thanked the host government lavishly and praised every dignitary. But I forgot to acknowledge Danielle, our local advisor who had made it all possible.
By most metrics, I did the “right” leadership things: I built a team that delivered a successful event and deepened our partnership with key stakeholders. But I failed as a leader because I didn’t make my team feel like they belonged.
The lesson was both painful and clear: Yes, paychecks and intrinsic motivation matter, but humans need more. In the words of psychologist Dan Siegel, “We need to feel felt.”
“That’s Not the Culture Here”
A long career in government has shown me how often large workplaces fail at that. We ask people to fit in instead of belong. There’s even a phrase for it: “That’s not the culture here.”
