On a bad day, mother of two Kam Kai Qi is left with little physical, mental and emotional capacity to spend time with her kids.
The 36-year-old lawyer, who works 42 hours a week at minimum, would like shorter working hours so that she has more than just “scraps of herself” left at the end of the day for her family, she admits. “But the reality is a harsh trade-off”.
Her boys — aged four and two — bring great joy and fulfilment to her life, she tells AsiaOne, and it’s her wish to be able to spend more quality time with them.
Working from home twice a week helps. Combined with some flexibility of work hours, she puts the time to good use by dropping off her kids and picking them up from school, thereby spending more time with them.
“It would be nice to have more of that,” shares Kai Qi, who feels that there is a constant tension between her professional and maternal roles.
“You clearly cannot give 100 per cent of yourself to each role. There is a sense that you are always shortchanging one for the other.”
This sentiment is not unique to Kai Qi.
For entrepreneur Aruna Daniel, it’s the mental load that gets to her. “As a business owner, there is always something on my mind,” said the mother of a three-year-old daughter.
The 36-year-old former linguist and early childhood educator now runs Phoneme Baby, an online platform that helps children with phonics.
https://www.instagram.com/p/DM__NtRTYmV/
“I usually get about three to four hours of work in before I switch into home mode, which means cooking, cleaning and trying to fetch her from school before 4pm so we have quality time before dinner and bedtime,” she tells us.
But between thinking about her business needs and the needs of her family, her brain is rarely able to be “fully switched off”.
This creates a struggle because she wishes to be fully present, both physically and mentally, for her child.
Mother of a two-year-old girl, family physician Elizabeth Chan, feels that “the goodbyes in the mornings are still the hardest part”.
“Most days are fine, but there are mornings when my daughter says ‘I don’t want mama to go to work,'” says the 35-year-old. “Those moments are never easy.”
The pair share a strong bond. Till this day, Elizabeth still breastfeeds. Her daughter usually latches twice daily — once in the morning before she goes to work and once in the evening before bedtime.
“She mostly latches for comfort and connection, and it’s something we both still enjoy,” she shares. “I’m happy to continue for as long as my body allows and as long as she still enjoys it.”
Importance of work beyond a paycheck
Before giving birth, Elizabeth imagined that she would return to full-time work after maternity leave and be able to “compartmentalise work and home quite well”.
However, everything changed when her daughter arrived. She admitted that she was obsessing over her child’s every need, to the extent she even considered becoming a stay-at-home mum.
After learning to trust those around her to help with caregiving duties, she eventually transitioned to a part-time role in a polyclinic, which gives her flexibility to spend more time with her daughter while still being able to work.
She soon realised how important it was to her to maintain her professional life.
“Being able to serve the community and help patients gives me a strong sense of purpose, and I am also passionate about teaching medical students and contributing to the future of medicine,” she tells us.
