Many bullies do not see themselves as perpetrators because their behaviour blends into group culture, explained Dr Ong, the psychologist.
Some may also tell themselves a narrative that makes harmful behaviour acceptable, he added – such as “It’s just a joke”, “They should toughen up”, “Everyone was laughing”.
“Social rewards, like attention, laughter and likes, make it easier to ignore the hurt caused.”
Empathy also becomes much easier to disengage when one perceives a target as different, added Dr Ong, particularly on the basis of their race, ability, religion, gender or body type.
WHEN SELF-DEFENCE GOES TOO FAR
In truth, what seems like harmless fun to one can often come at the expense of another, said Mr Alex – yet another former bullying victim turned bully.
The 33-year-old who works in the tech industry remembered being relentlessly targeted in primary school – pinned against fences, having his pants forcibly pulled down, caught in rough play that often escalated into fights.
It was only natural, he said, to react in kind.
“Every time I got pinned, I’d hit back,” he recalled. “Once you land a punch, it can turn into a full-on fight.”
By upper primary, his self-defence had given way to self-initiated offence.
“I was angry and upset that people who started the fights often got away scot-free just to repeat the entire cycle yet again. So I started believing that to protect yourself, you must respond with maximum aggression to deter (aggressors).”
He became “a bit of a school gangster”, often violently throwing tables and chairs about.
“Teachers didn’t know what to do with me. They’d rather stay on my good side than antagonise me, because I had a nasty temper,” he said.
In secondary school, his reputation for retaliation only grew. Classmates who provoked him often ended up on the receiving end of his fists.
While victims of bullying can be bullies themselves, the history between two parties in any incident matters, said Ms Esther Ng, founder of the Coalition Against Bullying for Children and Youth.
“Investigation is needed to understand why the victim pushed back, sometimes without realising that it’s also a form of bullying,” she said.
