The struggles of single parenthood

Dr Mathew Mathews from IPS said that improving support for single parents here “is really necessary, especially given our desire to remove as many disadvantages as possible for children”.

“Given that our total fertility rate in Singapore is dismally low, and many couples who could have children find it hard to and so choose not to, it is hard to imagine how ensuring better support for single parent families will incentivise them to have more children, or for singles to try parenthood outside marriage,” he said.

Agreeing, Ms Lin of HCSA SPIN said that global studies have shown that marriage and childbirth are deeply personal choices and are usually not driven by social assistance.

And while prioritisation of resources may be necessary in terms of policy, it should not lead to the exclusion of single-parent families who often represent some of the most vulnerable households, she added.

“The intent of support is not to encourage single parenthood but to mitigate hardship for children who are already here. This balanced approach strengthens social cohesion and reflects our shared responsibility to ensure that no child is left behind,” Ms Lin said.

Ms Pan, the single mother of one who runs an informal support group for single parents, still vividly recalls the challenges she had to go through after her divorce 17 years ago.

She stressed throughout her chat with CNA TODAY that she considers herself one of the relatively fortunate single parent cases, as her divorce was handled amicably and she had parents to rely on for emotional and some financial support.

Yet, Ms Pan said, she still went through bouts of depression over the years due to the immense stress that she had to face alone.

Out of her own desire to be self-sufficient, she did not seek external support, choosing instead to count pennies, eat frugally and forgo any overseas holidays until two years ago.

While she believes society can do more to support single parents, Ms Pan said single parents, too, should not hesitate to seek help and care for their own needs better than she herself did.

“Go to your Meet-the-People sessions and they will help you find the right agencies if you’re unsure, go for short holidays for your mental health, because it’s important so you can take care of yourself and your child,” she said.

And now is as good a time as ever for such parents to seek help, as society has become more inclusive and supportive of single parents, she added.

“Now when you say you’re a single parent, I think not many will look down. In fact, I have heard people say, ‘single parents are so brave, taking on two roles’,” she said.

“The voices on the ground have actually grown kinder.”