Dutch woman’s spiritual journey to become Taoist priest

She said she first encountered Taoism while praying for a way to “integrate” her worldly and spiritual selves. She found that her “social persona” and “deeply spiritual self” were at odds, making it difficult for her to be understood by society.

After saying that prayer on a beach in the Netherlands, she came across a Nei Dan course commencing at three different locations within the country. Nei Dan is an ancient Taoist system of spiritual, mental and physical practices.

One of the course locations, she said, turned out to be at a studio right on her street — a coincidence she couldn’t ignore.

After her first guided session, Carrière thought: “I knew, this is what I have been looking for.”

What attracted her to Taoism, she added, were the practices that allowed her to explore and investigate things for herself.

Even as she moved between countries, Taoism and her spiritual practice remained a constant in her life.

“Taoism became less connected to a particular place and much more connected to how I lived,” she said.

Presented herself to deities to become a priest

After moving to Singapore, Carrière joined the Quan Zhen Cultural Society, a Taoist organisation, three years ago.

The group, which has about 70 members, gathers at Balestier Point to study and practise Taoist traditions.

A key milestone in her religious journey, she shared, came shortly after joining, when she became a fully ordained Taoist priest.

Recalling the moments leading up to the ordination, Carrière said she underwent a particular ritual that she described as “special”.

The ritual involved “presenting herself” to the deities, who would, through divination, determine whether becoming a priest was part of her spiritual path, she said.

She explained that an altar is prepared for the ritual, with members of the ordained community present. Divination tools are then used to “ask” whether becoming a priest is the right path for the individual, with the answer confirmed three times for consistency — usually through dropping the tools and observing how they fall.

“It was quite a joyful occasion, but I was also a little tense and excited because you don’t know what the answer will be,” Carrière said. 

At one point, she recalled thinking that the deities could see through her anyway, and that there was no point in trying to control the outcome.

When the outcome of the ritual turned out “very positive”, Carrière said she was genuinely surprised and happy. 

“Everyone around me started congratulating me, and I remember my heart just overflowing. It was a very special moment,” she said.

Since then, Carrière has been allowed to perform certain rituals and blessings, depending on her level of initiation and ordination, as there is a hierarchy within the tradition.

When asked if temple goers had ever doubted her abilities as a Taoist priest due to her race, Carrière preferred not to comment.

Becoming a priest, she said, involves more than studying Taoist philosophy, chanting and meditating. It also includes learning how to conduct herself within the tradition, and understanding that she is becoming part of a lineage and community.

“Being ordained doesn’t mean that the learning stops — I’m both practising actively and continuing to learn,” said Carrière.

Learning Chinese has been her greatest challenge

For Carrière, one of the greatest challenges throughout her Taoist journey has been the language barrier.

She is also conscious of the fact that, as a Dutch woman entering a tradition deeply rooted in Chinese culture and religious practices, she still has much to learn.

“I don’t think it would be appropriate to pretend that difference doesn’t exist,” she said. Instead, she said she does not approach Taoism as something she is “entitled to”, but as a tradition she can learn from and respect.

Carrière described the language barrier as the area where she feels the most vulnerable.

While she can learn a chant and understand its meaning, she noted that it’s still not the same as the instinctive relationship with the language that someone who grew up speaking Chinese would have.

A turning point came last year, when she realised she could not progress to further examinations without learning Mandarin more seriously. The scriptures she needed to study and analyse were also in Chinese.

She said she was left with no choice but to keep learning, by practising the chants, studying the texts more deeply and asking questions.

‘A lifelong process’

One misconception Carrière has encountered, she added, is the assumption that she could never truly understand Taoism because she was not born in Singapore.

“I may have been born as a white woman in the Netherlands, but how do we know why this practice aligns with me so well?” she said.

However, she said the acceptance she has experienced within the Taoist community has been “very meaningful” to her.

“Ultimately, I was given the opportunity to become part of the lineage. I take that trust seriously,” she said.

Today, she visits the temple once a week and spends the rest of the week meditating at home.

14 years since the start of her spiritual journey, even as a fully ordained Taoist priest, Carrière said she remains a student — accepting that her Taoist journey is a “lifelong process”.

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