ADHD parenting challenges at VivoCity bakery

A mother was mortified when her two children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) unexpectedly picked up a donut each from a VivoCity bakery’s display and took a bite before she could pay for them.

What shocked her, however, was a staff member’s response, as she overheard the employee saying: “We cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing.”

The mother recounted the incident in an anonymous post on the Complaint Singapore Facebook group on July 24.

That day, she entered the bakery with her two young children and helper when the incident happened “in a split second”. Both her children, who have ADHD, picked up a donut each from the display and took a bite.

She said she immediately apologised to staff members, assuring that she would pay for the food.

Scroll to continue reading

Feeling embarrassed but trying to remain composed, the mother said she continued browsing other items while her two children remained outside the bakery with her helper.

Mother reflects on staff member’s remark: ‘Painful and humiliating’

However, she recalled hearing an elderly lady behind the packing counter saying loudly in Mandarin: “We cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing.”

“Those words hit me harder than she could ever have imagined,” the mother wrote, explaining that she already carries the “emotional weight” of raising children with ADHD.

Her children might act impulsively before processing the consequences of their actions, she said, but such behaviour is not because they are ill-mannered, spoiled, or intentionally disobedient.

“Hearing a stranger publicly judge my parenting, without knowing anything about my children or our circumstances, was incredibly painful and humiliating,” she expressed.

Later, she said she approached the staff member to explain that her children’s behaviour was a result of their condition, not poor parenting. She also told the staff member that her remarks were “deeply hurtful”.

Ending the post, the mother urged others to “choose kindness over judgement”, acknowledging that families may be grappling with complex situations behind closed doors.

“Compassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best,” she concluded.

ADHD ‘explains behaviour’ but ‘does not excuse it’: Netizens

The Facebook post garnered almost a thousand reactions, with several offering an alternative perspective.

One netizen felt that ADHD “explains behaviour” but “does not excuse it”, suggesting that parents have an “even greater responsibility to teach boundaries” in such situations.

They added that taking food off a shelf and eating before paying is “not acceptable”, pointing out that children are capable of learning appropriate behaviour when they are guided consistently.

Others suggested that the staff member might not have known that the children have ADHD, questioning the mother’s decision to “shame her online”.

“Let’s show compassion to the elderly for not knowing the right things to say too,” another chimed in.

Stomp has reached out to the bakery in question for comment.