SINGAPORE – Even in the age of dating apps and changing attitudes towards marriage, some parents here still take an active role in choosing spouses for their children.
Arranged, or matchmade, marriages are far less common than a generation or two ago, but they have not disappeared.
In particular, the practice persists in the Indian community – among both Muslims and Hindus – where parents often begin searching for a suitable partner once their children reach their 20s.
Muslim marriage solemnisers, community leaders and counsellors estimate that up to three in 10 Singaporean Indian-Muslim couples who wed recently were in matchmade marriages – down from at least half, a generation ago.
The falling proportion reflects a broader shift in attitudes as parents have become more accepting of their children finding their own partners.
Still, many Indian-Muslim parents have a deep-seated preference for someone who shares the same cultural, language and religious background as their child, said Mr Raja Mohamad, president of the Singapore Kadayanallur Muslim League, which describes itself as the largest Indian-Muslim organisation here. The group champions social welfare and cultural preservation, among other things.
These parental preferences ensure compatibility, and continuity of culture and traditional values, he said.
Mr Haja Navaz, founder of Sparkz Counselling, which provides marriage counselling, among other services, said parents often believe they are better placed to choose a suitable partner based on factors such as family lineage, social status and religious beliefs.
Mr Haja, who has counselled many Indian-Muslim individuals, said: “This is seen as a safeguard against what they see as their children’s immaturity, fearing that ‘blind love’ may lead to unsuitable matches.”
Mr Naseef Khamis, a senior social worker at Malay/Muslim organisation PPIS, said the familiarity and trust between the families and the potential partner can be a key factor behind these unions.
He said: “Marriage is also viewed as a means of strengthening kinship ties. For those marrying within extended families, it can serve to bring the wider family closer together.”
Ustaz Mohammed Nazim Rahuma Dulla, who solemnises about 100 to 120 marriages a year, estimates that 10 per cent to 15 per cent of the couples he marries these days are matchmade. He is a freelance Islamic educator and a kadi, a religious official who solemnises Muslim marriages.
Ustaz Mohammed Nazim Rahuma Dulla, a freelance Islamic educator and kadi, was matched to his wife in an arranged marriage. A kadi is an official who solemnises Muslim marriages.
PHOTO: COURTESY OF USTAZ MOHAMMED NAZIM RAHUMA DULLA
The figure is significantly higher among newer immigrants from India, where arranged marriages remain the norm.
Those interviewed estimate that up to 80 per cent of Indian Muslims who have moved to Singapore are in such unions.
Dr Mathew Mathews, principal research fellow at the Institute of Policy Studies, said newcomers tend to follow the social norms they were raised with.
He said studies have also shown that young adults in South Asia still value arranged marriages, which they associate with greater marital longevity.
