Parents Are Paying For Gen Z Kids’ Dating Apps

Neha Prabhu LMFT, is relationship therapist, premarital counselor, and sex therapist based in Colorado.

The concept of parents being involved in choosing their children’s partners, of course, is nothing new. Arranged marriages have been around for thousands of years, and are still the norm today around the world, including in South Asia, Southeast Asia, and the Middle East.

There, “marriage is often seen as a family affair rather than an individual decision,” says therapist Kanai Gandhi, LMFT. But for those not used to experiencing that kind of family involvement, these videos are shocking because they challenge “the expectation that finding a partner is an entirely individual pursuit,” she adds.

It’s not just on Hinge: the digital world as a whole is growing increasingly intrigued by family-led matchmaking. In recent years, Netflix has further capitalized on that interest with shows like “Indian Matchmaking” and “Jewish Matchmaking.” And parents are flocking to pay for online services such as Three Day Rule, a “modern matchmaking” brand that operates out of 14 major US cities.

“Singles are coming to us at a younger age, and with that, more parents are stepping in to help cover the cost,” says Talia Goldstein, matchmaker and founder of Three Day Rule. “Often, these parents take on the role of researcher and initial point of contact, reaching out on behalf of their busy, career-focused children. They see their role as both funder and facilitator, as long as their adult child is open to participating.”

Leala says she would be interested — if Estée was, too — in signing her daughter up for a matchmaking service. But, she notes, many matchmaking services come with significant a price tag. Three Day Rule’s cheapest package is $5,900 and spans all the way up to their new $1 million service, which offers a year-long “white-glove matchmaking experience” that includes candidate vetting, custom planned dates, coaching, and a custom-designed three carat engagement ring, should you succeed in finding The One.

“You only want to invest that kind of money if you’re fabulously wealthy, which we’re not,” Leala says.

And so Hinge+, which can still feel pricy at around $30 a month when the app itself is free, is a much more affordable option — even if it doesn’t offer the same level of matchmaking that more expensive services offer.

Dating app fatigue is real for many millennials and Gen Zs. But to Leala, swiping is a fun game and an excuse to bond with her daughter. She can laugh it off when men “post something stupid” and find humor in debating whether it’s a deal breaker for a guy with an otherwise perfect profile to include a photo of him holding a fish.

“You have to enjoy it as a game,” Leala says. “It’s a video game. You’re playing together with a goal of winning.”

The ultimate prize: helping your child find their forever person — maybe even in someone they wouldn’t have thought to swipe right on in the first place.

The beauty in handing over control of dating apps to her mother, Estée says, is that her mom is less picky, in a good way. Sometimes Leala can see past not-so-flattering selfies to endorse a person who seems to have good qualities and could be more attractive and perhaps more sexually compatible in person. Gandhi concurs that parents’ life experience can sometimes help them see things in a partner that their child wouldn’t.

“It’s also important to prioritize what their child is looking for in a partner or relationship and respect their desires while also gently challenging them, if there’s curiosity for their thought process,” says sex and relationship therapist Neha Prabhu, LMFT. “If children are wanting the involvement from their parents or families, they also need to be open to receiving feedback or being questioned.”

The most important thing to remember for parents involved in their children’s relationships is boundaries, Gandhi adds. “The final decision rests with the child,” she says, noting that parents are there to “play an active but supporting role.”

Ultimately, that’s Leala’s goal with Estée: to enjoy time with her daughter while assisting her on a journey that can often feel exhausting and lonely.

“I can’t force her to [pick a certain partner]; it’s her choice,” Leala says. “But we have a lot of fun. We have a sense of humor about it. … I guess for me, I do want some control, but that’s ridiculous. I have no control over what happens. I’d like to see her get what she wants, but if what she wanted was vastly different than what I wanted, it wouldn’t work.”

Hannah Yasharoff is a journalist based in Washington DC specializing in entertainment, wellness, and lifestyle topics. Previously, she was an entertainment and wellness reporter at USA Today for more than five years before serving as a health and wellness reporter for The Messenger.