The Cost of a Long-Distance Relationship: See the Receipts

How I Did It

Every relationship is different, but Adam and I aim to see each other at least once a month, give or take. We never keep score on who visits who, but I either fly to Connecticut, he flies to Chicago, or we meet somewhere entirely different to visit family, attend a wedding, or take a trip. Since we’re apart more than we are together, it doesn’t matter where we are geographically — it’s just about being together, whether that’s for two days or two weeks.

Where I Splurge

I technically don’t need a car while visiting Connecticut, but since Adam takes his to work, I always rent one. Uber is available, but they tend to be limited and pricey, so I splurge for a rental car for my entire stay. I never like to feel immobile, so a rental car allows me the ability to go somewhere, if needed or wanted.

I also splurge on Solidcore workout classes. I have a Solidcore membership in Chicago, but it (annoyingly) doesn’t transfer cities, so I typically purchase a second Connecticut-based class package. It’s not a necessity, but it makes me happy and provides some semblance of routine. Adam is also a recent Solidcore convert, so we enjoy taking a class together as a date of sorts.

On that note, it often feels like Adam and I have to make up for lost time when we’re together, so the cost of food and drink does rack up. Most days, we go out for coffee and/or a meal. We’re aware cooking at home would be a more cost-effective option, but we like to splurge on the experience of going out. In our long-distance relationship, I’ve found that dates are about quality over quantity (though that’s not to say you can’t have a quality date at home).

Where I Save

The Hartford, CT, airport is small, so flights to and from Chicago tend to be expensive given there are fewer options. That said, I work remotely, so I have the luxury of booking weekday afternoon flights, which tend to be less exorbitant than, say, a Saturday morning. It’s still pricey, but purchasing an off-peak flight is generally a better deal. I also have two airline credit cards so I accumulate miles and can check a bag for free.

I also completely save on accommodations in Connecticut since I stay with Adam. Occasionally we’ll travel and book a hotel or Airbnb, but in that case, we split the cost.

Surprising Expenses

After more than four years of long-distance, I certainly know my way around Orbitz and Google Flights, but I will never get over the range of airfare pricing. An average flight from Chicago to Hartford costs around $400 round trip, though I have spent as little as $200 and as much as $600. You’d think higher ticket prices would correlate to busier seasons, like the holidays or spring break, but that’s not always the case. It’s shocking when flights for a seemingly random weekend cost double the average.

Oh, and I’m consistently surprised when in-flight WiFi costs more than $10. Again, not a necessity, but since flights during the workday are typically less expensive, I try to maximize my time.

How I Budget

In full transparency, I’m not a strict budgeter, especially when what’s at stake is time with someone I love and miss. However, my airfare budget is loosely capped; for my own financial stability, I’ve determined I’m unable to purchase a round-trip flight for more than $650 (especially if it’s only for a weekend trip). Adam and I do our best to see each other once a month, but if flights just aren’t feasible, we’ll wait a few extra weeks. It’s not ideal, but you have to draw the line somewhere.

Final Thoughts

I understand a long-distance relationship is not for everyone, but in my experience, it’s worth every penny. It can certainly be expensive and vary in cost depending on the distance and situation, but I like to think of the consistent financial commitment as an expression of love.