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When my partner and I knew we wanted to get engaged, we realized that we had a huge knowledge gap when it came to engagement rings. Neither of us had spent much time imagining what an engagement would be like, let alone our wedding day, which meant we only had a basic understanding of different shape options and that we should choose between silver and gold.
We knew we wanted to get our rings from a local BIPOC-owned jeweler, so we made an appointment where we could try on different rings to see what shapes suited our style best and understand what was in our budget. In the end, we chose gold moissanite rings for each other in classic designs that we could see ourselves wearing every day. We even managed to get them on sale — at a cost much lower than natural or lab-grown diamonds, which was especially helpful because we were early in our careers.
After getting engaged, I unknowingly entered into what I call “ring discourse.” Strangers would notice my ring and ask me if I was engaged before knowing my name. Sometimes people would ask me if my ring was “real,” and other times they would ask to see my ring and then say nothing at all. I never knew how to interpret or respond to any of this, but it made me wonder: why are we all so interested in engagement rings — and what they represent?
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There are many ideas of what relationships and marriage look like, so it makes sense that engagement rings are a visible manifestation of that. As a queer person of color, I also wanted to decide what these things looked like for me, especially because most portrayals of love and marriage in the media didn’t make me feel seen. And then there was the question of what my engagement ring said about me. From the increased popularity of lab-grown stones to couples picking out rings together, engagement rings can be expressions of our most deeply held values.
And I know I’m not alone in wondering all this, so we investigated further to find out what engagement rings really represent in 2025.
How Engagement Rings Reflect Influences From Media to Our Moms
Ideas about what an engagement ring should be are often informed by the cultural consciousness of what rings you see in movies, on celebrities, or on your friends. For example, oval engagement rings fell into favor when they were worn by celebrities and public figures like Hailey Bieber and Simone Biles, and marquise rings have become more popular after being worn by celebrities like Selena Gomez.
“It’s becoming more widely accepted to make decisions about your ring, wedding, and relationship that are best for you.”
In many cases, people are influenced by the rings that their mom had. “I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, so an engagement ring was the ultimate symbol of love,” says Lauren Forbes Cameron, owner and designer of Lauren Cameron Fine Jewelry. “I didn’t imagine the design of my engagement ring until it got older, but I was inspired by my mom’s ring, which has a modern diamond.”
“My ring reminds me of how bold my relationship is.”
Arroyo ultimately landed on a moissanite ring with cubic zirconia stones around it, a ring that fit her personal style and made sense for the budget she and her partner had in mind.
“My ring reminds me of how bold my relationship is,” Arroyo says. “My wife and I started dating 10 days after we met, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Our rings are a way that we can wear the commitment we have to each other in a place where we can see it. And if other people see it and start a conversation, that’s great too.”
Forbes Cameron says that some couples she works with feel the pressure of choosing the “right” ring. She suggests trying many different styles so you can get a sense of what you like on you, but what matters most is that the ring makes you happy and reminds you of your commitment to your partner. This could involve a ring with untraditional designs, stones, and shapes that let your personality shine through.
In addition to more creative designs, more couples are rethinking the engagement process entirely. Arroyo and her wife picked out their rings together, an experience common among queer couples. After discussing it, Arroyo proposed to her wife first, and her wife proposed back after getting a ring and planning the surprise. Arroyo has also been to many friends’ weddings, some of whom have exchanged handmade rings, picked wedding outfits together, or walked down the aisle together during their wedding ceremony.
“It feels really queer in that mutuality of making or choosing the ring together and making decisions based on what both people want,” Arroyo says.
Kristen is open to the idea of making custom rings with her partner.
“The same way that my partner and I cook meals together, I love the idea of using our creativity to design rings for each other,” Kirsten says. “He could pick it up and still plan a surprise proposal, but I’d still be involved in the process. It’s also a way for him to learn about what I like about jewelry so he can choose other pieces with an informed perspective.”
An engagement ring is often a physical representation of your relationship, which means that it could look a thousand different ways. And in the end, that’s what a lot of folks care about these days. As Kirsten puts it: “It’s becoming more widely accepted to make decisions about your ring, wedding, and relationship that are best for you.”
Aleenah Ansari is a queer Pakistani writer based in Seattle. She covers travel, entrepreneurship, mental health and wellness, and representation in media for PS, Insider, The Seattle Times, Byrdie, and more.
