When I chat with readers, most of them aren’t interested in hustle culture (no billionaire or girl boss worship) or stereotypical self-care (no bubble baths or candles). They don’t need a makeover or a glow-up.
They have a drive to grow and to better understand themselves, to become more effective problem solvers, and to become more insightful. They care about high standards and high performance, but they have complex lives that don’t revolve around just themselves or any one goal. They’re seeking a less cringy era of personal growth.
The external culture of self-improvement might be hard to change, but everyone who seeks to grow has the opportunity to create their own internal culture of self-improvement that doesn’t follow the external one. Here are three ways to develop that internal culture so you can be growth-oriented without ascribing to values that aren’t yours.
1. Explicitly Reject the Assumptions of Hustle Culture
In building our internal culture of growth, we can reject any external assumption that creates more stress than benefit. Let’s track through an example.
A recently popular concept is that all our actions are identity votes — votes for the person we want to become. An apple becomes a vote for becoming a healthy person. This can feel empowering and helpful until it starts to feel like being on trial, like we’re in an identity courtroom trying to prove our worthiness.
In a previous post, I introduced the character of Nicola, who is attempting to qualify for the 2028 Olympics but feeling crushed by the weight of optimizing every single choice. Dialing in all the variables that might help her succeed—like sleep, exercise, diet, self-talk, and focus—can become a worthiness-proving project. Being consistent becomes equated with doing something constantly. If she’s not casting votes for her goal every minute, it feels like she’s not worthy of attempting it. She’s not taking it seriously enough. She doesn’t deserve to exist on elite starting lines at races.
We don’t have to accept every productivity assumption du jour. We can cherry-pick. When a framework feels helpful, we can use it. When it doesn’t, we can reject the fundamental assumption, for example, reject that every action proves or threatens our identity. We can adapt assumptions so they work for us, rather than adapting ourselves to them. Nicola can go to dinner with friends where the meal is just a meal, not evidence for or against her Olympic dreams.
