‘We are resetting the standard’: From tying ponytails to stroller walks, how modern Singapore dads are redefining fatherhood, Lifestyle News

In an attempt to address these concerns, Ingo sent out a call to fellow dads in Singapore, hoping to connect with others who are going through the same stage in life.

He did so through Facebook community groups, inviting them to have a walk together, all while pushing their kids along in a stroller.

The intention was to do something accessible and familiar — he had realised that he would take his daughter on morning walks in a stroller, and that many other dads were doing it as well.

“It’s something I was doing alone anyway,” he tells us.

During the first outing which took place on March 29, Ingo was surprised at how overwhelming the response was. This led him to realise that he’s not alone in feeling this way, and that many dads out there resonated with him.

“This grew from a small group of about eight dads to most recently 35 dads in a single morning, and it is always oversubscribed,” he adds. “It seemed clear as day to me there was a dad-sized gap in the parenting world.”

Strolls have so far taken place along the Singapore River, near Great World and at New Bahru. Plans to take it to other areas are in the works.

The gathering, which he calls Stroller Sundays, is quite a sight and has been “getting heads turning”, says Ingo. Just imagine a convoy of dads with their stroller babies and toddlers trotting down a walkway.

These dads now go beyond weekend walks, banding together as Dad Life Club members. They not only meet for in-person events but also have an active WhatsApp community where they chat, connect and share tips about parenting — whether that be about sleep training, weaning or playground recommendations.

“This community helps dads connect, find support and have a sense of belonging, which makes the journey of fatherhood that little bit lighter and more sociable,” said Ingo.

“Connecting with peers in this same position can be really meaningful and liberating.”

He believes that the speed and scale in which the community has grown is a reflection of modern-day fathers as a movement.

“We represent dads who strive to be fully present and engaged in the parenting journey, embrace roles and spaces perhaps considered typically feminine, and enjoy fatherhood as a shared experience,” he proclaims.

“We are resetting the standard of what it means to be a dad in today’s world.”

The changing definition of fatherhood

Andre tying his daughter’s tresses and Ingo gathering dads for stroller walks speak to a new generation of fathers who are stepping up in ways that go beyond their traditional role as providers.

Ingo’s own dad, and the fathers around him when he was growing up, had fit into that “provider” stereotype, he reveals.

While his dad did spend time with him as a child, it was mostly only for play time, saying goodnight or showing up for special occasions.

“However, as far as possible, I think it is important for dads to be there even in the more routine parts of childcare, like the diaper changing, feeding and settling crying,” he says.

“All of this strengthens the bond between dad and child, and builds emotional connection and trust.”

Meanwhile, Andre thinks that modern-day dads get praised for such hands-on acts of childcare, unlike previous generations, due to changes in societal norms.

Asked how different he is compared to his own dad when he was growing up, he remarked: “I am definitely more domestic facing than my father was.”

He believes that underpinning this is a shift in the idea of masculinity. Having a softer side is now considered desirable, all while still maintaining an image of strength.

Ingo thinks so too. “Millennial dads like me have grown up with the image of the man who is strong, aggressive and self-sufficient,” he says.

“However, especially in raising children, you realise that these archetypes are largely unhelpful and outdated.”

Rather, he finds that there’s a lot of value in being a man who is “comfortable and unapologetic about being emotionally available, vulnerable and nurturing”, adding that these are what’s important when it comes to raising children that can feel safe, secure and emotionally mature.

This shift, he believes, is another piece to the parenting puzzle affecting Singapore’s Total Fertility Rate (TFR).

“So much of it comes down to culture and support,” he thinks. “It works alongside changing social norms which genuinely value fathers as hands-on parents, not just providers.”

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Andre’s take is that it requires a whole-of-society shift in defining what success means in order for the TFR needle to move.

“For as long as we see that success means strong careers and large incomes, having children would naturally be seen as an obstacle,” he shares.

“Encouraging birth should not be the end goal, it is only the first step. Having more post-infant support till the child is past being a teenager is a lot more important and convincing in encouraging married men to become fathers.”

To that end, Andre leads by example, measuring success through tiny wins each day.

He and his wife are expecting a second child, due in November, which he is also focusing on.

His decision to give up his career, at least for now, means he is able to be “present and involved” in his daughter’s everyday life, as well as for his upcoming newborn.

It’s a luxury not every parent in Singapore enjoys.

“Some parents only get to see their child grow ‘horizontally’,” he quips. “Your child is asleep when you leave for work early in the morning and asleep again when you return home late at night. I am really grateful and blessed to be able to see my child’s growth so intimately.”

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dannon.har@asiaone.com

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