We chalk up idealism to youth, but it’s fair to say that most of us, even if we consider ourselves to be adults, struggle with tolerating uncertainty. Personally, my obsessive-compulsive mind detests it. I want my life to appear as a clear narrative, where everything I do and everything that happens to me is part of some grander play, with me at its center, of course. A recent meta-analysis of meaning and depression (Ouyang et al. 2026) concluded that coherence—the ability to make sense of one’s experiences and fit them neatly into a worldview—had the strongest negative correlation with depression, as opposed to other forms of meaning.
While this is a hopeful perspective, it hides the reality of rigidity. The caveat is that coherence must be possible for it to matter. So, what happens if it isn’t? What if the data don’t fit one’s worldview or challenge it altogether? Arguably, from the obsessive-compulsive perspective, where coherence is a necessity, its lack can and likely will be destabilizing. In treatment, a patient may tell us they wish someone else could make a meaningful life choice for them, especially a more controversial one. For example, if an individual was dissuaded by their parents from making an unconventional career decision, like, let’s say, pursuing a career in stand-up comedy, they may wish their parents had pushed them into comedy. This may feel counterintuitive. Wouldn’t they just want their parents to merely have supported them instead?
If the individual has obsessive-compulsive tendencies, they may harbor the same doubts about their passion, albeit to a lesser degree than their parents, who may completely disqualify it. So, rather than freedom, these individuals tend to wish their parents did what was best for them—to take this choice of whether to embrace what they really wanted to love and make it for them. (Arguably, perfectionism is another way to outsource decision-making, as you’re following some prescribed, but internal, guide, often not even being able to articulate why.) They wanted their parents to say, “This is so clearly the right choice for you, and since you’re too scared to make it, we’ll do it for you.” Thus, the universe makes sense. It feels as though some force is working to make their life better, pushing them over the edge when needed. The problem, however, becomes evident when you start to consider the counterfactual world. What would it have looked like if your parents, to express their devotion to you and show the world how much they love you, made you drop out of college, or forgo it, to pursue comedy?
