SINGAPORE – Young people should start dating while they are still in university, instead of waiting until their careers are established to look for a life partner, said Violet Lim, chief executive of regional matchmaking agency Lunch Actually.
At that early stage, men and women are on a more similar footing and can grow together, rather than assess each other against increasingly exacting standards after entering the workforce, she told The Straits Times in an interview.
“Relationships and personal ambitions can develop together.”
Her advice comes as Singapore grapples with fewer marriages, later unions and declining birth rates.
According to the National Population and Talent Division, Singapore’s resident total fertility rate fell to 0.87 in 2025, from 0.97 in 2024. There were 21,671 citizen marriages in 2025 – down 5.6% – while the median age at first marriage for citizen grooms and brides rose to 30.8 and 29.1 years, respectively, from 30.1 and 27.9 a decade earlier.
While dating apps have made meeting potential partners easier, Lim said increasingly demanding expectations, a desire for certainty and a reluctance to commit are making it harder for singles to build lasting relationships.
She said encouraging relationships earlier is an important part of addressing the problem, as couples must first find each other before they can consider having children.
“Please do not stop your kids from dating when they are in university. Encourage them to date,” Lim said.
Lack of ROI
Lim noted that more young people view relationships as a distraction from their studies or careers, where hard work offers a clearer return on investment (ROI).
When she speaks at universities and polytechnics, students often tell her they are not dating, with some saying that investing in their careers offers better ROI than spending years building relationships without a guaranteed outcome.
Some of the traditional reasons for marrying have weakened, as children are no longer seen as necessary to contribute to household income or provide support in old age, Lim added, noting that a rising number of couples are opting to keep pets instead.
With less parental and societal pressure to settle down, remaining single has become more widely accepted, Lim said.
Some also cite longer lifespans as a reason to put off marriage until their 40s or even 50s, rather than spend many decades with the same person.
Meanwhile, among those seeking partners, expectations have become more demanding, with clients now seeking much more information before agreeing to a match.
Physical attraction remains a priority for men, while women increasingly assess how men carry themselves, Lim said, adding that women tend to have higher expectations for a match than men.
Financially independent, well-educated women who enjoy comfortable lifestyles often want partners at a similar or higher level.
But the men who match these requirements may have different preferences, narrowing the pool of mutually interested partners, she added.
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