Trafficking fears and red flags: Singapore couples caught up in botched overseas adoption attempts

“It was obviously pretty tragic because we had already thought of her name, we had already set up the place for her to come join our family,” said Nick.

“It would probably have been a couple more weeks before she was due to come to Singapore, but that fell apart.” 

Feeling they had no choice but to accept that they would never see the baby again, the couple said they had “no closure”.

“Once you meet another child and you’re serious – as serious as we were about bringing this kid into our family – you feel a sense of responsibility. And to have it all fall apart like that, it does hurt,” said Nick. 

They wanted to try adopting again. After getting connected with another private agency, they were told there was a baby from Pontianak, Indonesia, who could be matched with them. 

The couple was told they would have to pay S$38,000 to adopt the baby.

When the baby was about four months old, the couple travelled to Jakarta to meet her. The nanny was present, but not the birth parents.

“It was a beautiful moment … There was this kid that we connected with and felt good about,” Nick said. 

The couple was relieved when they managed to get through all the paperwork, and the dependant’s pass was approved. 

“So we got through all of it, and literally a week before the baby was supposed to come to Singapore and be with us, we got a call from the agent, and he said, ‘Sorry, the adoption is not going to happen’,” Nick said. 

According to the couple, the Indonesian agent told them that Indonesia was not allowing adoptions to proceed.

No other information was given to the couple, and they felt like they “jumped through all the hoops” again, only to be left disappointed. 

Looking back, Gwen said it felt like she was at the “mercy” of the Singapore adoption agent, who she felt was not forthcoming with information.

“They give you bits and bobs where they feel like it. When you ask further questions, they’ll say things like ‘it’s just like that’, ‘that’s just how it goes’,” Gwen added.

“It’s very limited information, and you are not allowed any contact with the other side, which makes it difficult.

“I don’t know how common it is to have a situation like that fall through two times. We were already nervous enough after the first time it fell through. And doing it the second time, it was very hard to be calm and trust the process.”