SINGAPORE – Unlike most parents, Mr Khairul Amin Zakaria is unbothered by the sounds of children quarrelling.
His foster daughter Siti (not her real name) joined his family in 2016 when she was nine years old. Mr Khairul, his wife and their four children tried to make Siti feel at ease in her new home, but the pieces fell in place only a year later.
“I was happy when the children started to quarrel. In the first year, Siti kept to herself. When they became comfortable enough with one another to argue, that, to us, was a good sign. We felt we had achieved something,” recalls Mr Khairul, a constituency director at the People’s Association.
He and his wife, teacher Halimaton Abdullah, are both 44. They have four children aged 22, 18, 17 and 15. Siti, now 18, is the same age as the couple’s only daughter.
As Siti grew into her teens, the couple supported her through the challenges of adolescence, such as peer pressure, inferiority issues, friendship betrayals and choosing her academic and career options.
Ms Halimaton says: “We don’t impose our ideals on her. We let her choose her own path. We assured her that whatever happens, we will be behind her.”
Disruptions to family life, upended routines, clashes in backgrounds and personalities, and adjustments big and small, are part and parcel of the fostering journey.
But choosing to foster teens going through the pangs of puberty – some in troubled circumstances – is widely perceived to be more challenging.
This is not necessarily true, say fostering insiders and parents interviewed by The Straits Times.
Ms Noor Aaqilah Abdul Latiff, senior manager of the PPIS Oasis Centre for Fostering, says there are many false perceptions surrounding foster teens.
She says: “The main misconception is that such teenagers are rebellious or rude. We find them to be resilient and mature, and appreciative of the care given by their foster parents.”
Most foster teens are keen to avoid the mistakes made by their birth parents, she notes.
“By 17 or 18, they want to lead stable lives. They are not rushing into a relationship, and they want to go as high as they can, in terms of their education.”
The Government in August 2025 called for more foster parents for teenagers,
announcing a rise in the allowance for fostering teens and teens with special needs,
which takes effect in October 2025.
Those caring for teenagers aged 13 and above will get a monthly fostering allowance of $1,300 a child, up from $1,100.
The allowance for foster parents caring for teens with special or medical needs will be raised from $1,500 to $1,800, to cover the additional costs of therapy, intervention and transport.
As at December 2024, there were 530 foster children and 633 foster families, according to figures from the Ministry of Social and Family Development.
About 130 of these children are aged 13 and above. Yet, there are more than twice as many in residential care, such as children’s homes.
Fostering is a temporary arrangement and the aim is for the children, who usually come from abusive or disadvantaged backgrounds, to be reunited with their birth families once their home environment is assessed to be safe for them.
Studies have shown that family-based care offers more personalised, stable and responsive caregiving, which is important for a child’s social, emotional and mental well-being.
Ms Sue Chang-Koh, executive director of Home for Good, Singapore, a charity that supports foster families, says some couples prefer to foster teens.
She says: “Some foster parents like that teens are independent. They can be a support and guide for young people in their last teenage years before they become adults, and make an impact at a time of important decision-making, such as whether to go to polytechnic or the Institute of Technical Education, or which careers or jobs to go for.
“Fostering also gives a child the opportunity to see how to do family, which is powerful.”
Ms Aaqilah from PPIS does not downplay the adjustments required on both sides, especially with children who may come from homes with incarcerated family members or other difficult situations, who may feel torn between “two mummies”.
She says: “A child’s life can be completely changed just by opening your doors to him or her.”
The rewards include a capacity for gratitude that younger kids cannot express, she says.
One letter a teen wrote to a foster parent reads: “I know that I have been difficult to care for. Thank you for giving me a chance.”
