AS A TEENAGER, CHLOE TONG watched someone being bullied and did what most people do in this situation: nothing.<\/p>\n
\u201cI was afraid of becoming a target,\u201d she recalls. \u201cI was also a people pleaser and I wanted to belong. I didn\u2019t have the confidence to risk standing apart from the group.\u201d<\/p>\n
It is not a flattering story \u2013 which may be why it\u2019s so revealing. Tong doesn\u2019t glorify her past or pretend that, given another chance, she would have rescued the victim.\u00a0<\/p>\n
But she does have something to say to her younger self.<\/p>\n
\u201cI would tell her that silence is also a choice. I would tell her you don\u2019t need to be fearless or confrontational to help. You can stand beside the person. Check in later. Find an adult. Refuse to join the laughter. Small actions can interrupt the sense that someone is alone.\u201d<\/p>\n
More than two decades later, that adolescent failure to act has found an unlikely afterlife. Tong is now co-founder of ACE Team Foundation together with her husband, Grab co-founder and CEO Anthony Tan.<\/p>\n
Their #STOPBullying initiative has enlisted various global figures to speak about kindness, respect and inclusion<\/a>, including billionaire Ray Dalio, actors Andy Lau and Rami Malek, entrepreneur Rachel Lim, sports stars Joseph Schooling and Jeremy Lin, and Acting Minister for Manpower Jasmin Lau.<\/p>\n Some of the personalities were friends; others came through friends of friends \u2013 a demonstration of what philanthropy looks like when one of your resources is a list of powerful contacts.<\/p>\n Just as significantly, the girl who once lacked the confidence to stand apart has become considerably more willing to stand up and be counted.<\/p>\n SEE ALSO<\/p>\n For years, Tong\u2019s public identity was attached to someone else\u2019s.\u00a0She is the daughter of Malaysian businessman and The Edge Media Group founder Tong Kooi Ong. She is the wife of one of South-east Asia\u2019s best-known CEOs<\/a>, with whom she shares five children, aged three to 10.\u00a0<\/p>\n While she had her own corporate credentials as executive director of The Edge and adviser to Grab, she remained content to remain largely private \u2013 until relatively recently, at least.<\/p>\n \u201cI love being Anthony\u2019s wife, my father\u2019s daughter and a mother to our five children, and I would choose that life again.\u201d<\/p>\n But ACE, established in December 2021, forced her out of her shell. \u201cI have had to articulate what I believe, speak up for causes I care about and take greater responsibility for the work we hope to do.\u201d<\/p>\n There is no point pretending that wealth is incidental to this story. Philanthropy, particularly at the scale practised by wealthy families<\/a> like Tong\u2019s, begins with an advantage most people don\u2019t have: substantial resources.<\/p>\n Still, she says, that isn\u2019t necessarily enough. \u201cPhilanthropy shouldn\u2019t begin and end with writing a cheque. It should begin with the problem.\u201d<\/p>\n Before ACE, Tong and Tan already donated to causes, but in a manner she now describes as \u201cresponsive\u201d: encounter a need, feel moved, help. Eventually, the couple concluded that emotion alone was an unreliable operating system.<\/p>\n \u201cWe realised if we wanted our giving to create deeper and more lasting change, good intentions were not enough,\u201d says Tong. They also wanted to formalise their giving and make philanthropy part of the family\u2019s legacy \u2013 a set of values that could be carried from one generation to the next.<\/p>\n Rather than build a private foundation, they established ACE as a donor-advised fund through the Community Foundation of Singapore (CFS), which administers charitable giving for donors. CFS could provide the sector knowledge, due diligence, governance and grantmaking \u2013 while Tong and Tan set ACE\u2019s priorities and approved grants.<\/p>\n The model is becoming more common among Singapore donors. By June this year, CFS had 336 donor-advised funds under its umbrella, while cumulative donations had exceeded S$403 million.<\/p>\n \u201cAnthony and I had the desire to give, but desire and experience are not the same thing,\u201d says Tong. \u201cCFS understood Singapore\u2019s social landscape in a way that we did not. They knew the organisations working quietly on the ground, where efforts overlapped, and where gaps remained.\u201d<\/p>\n Tong is nothing if not aware of those who work \u201cquietly on the ground\u201d.\u00a0<\/p>\n She was 18 when her mother died of cancer. \u201cAnd, of everything from that time, the person I remember most clearly is one particular nurse\u2026 the person behind the scenes who cared for us in the most human way.\u201d<\/p>\n Her mother called the nurse \u201cAngel\u201d. When another needle frightened her, Angel would reassure her. And when Tong\u2019s mother died on Christmas Day, Angel happened to be on duty.<\/p>\n \u201cShe held my hand and stroked my baby sister\u2019s hair as we sobbed,\u201d Tong recounts. \u201cDuring one of the most painful moments of our lives, this nurse gave us comfort and dignity when there was nothing left to fix. \u201d<\/p>\n That memory has stayed with Tong because of what it taught her about care: \u201cIt\u2019s about making someone feel less alone.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Stepping into the frame<\/h2>\n
Acknowledging unsung heroes<\/h2>\n