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For the better part of five years, I\u2019ve been going to a shooting retreat in the foothills near Yosemite to improve my skills and have a bit of fun. These retreats or camps have themes and one overarching theme\u2014proper club attire.<\/p>\n
Each year (or time I go), the theme changes.<\/p>\n
One year it was steel-target shooting, another was \u201cCowboy Action,\u201d the next \u201cturn-of-the-century gangsters.\u201d<\/p>\n
While some folks come and go, for the past three years, the same group of men (and a few women) has shown up. I usually go with two friends\u2014fellow Gen Xers who, like me, came from lower-middle-class backgrounds and now hover in the middle to upper-middle class. We\u2019re having fun, learning skills, and dressing up as the good, the bad, and the ugly. Can you tell which one I am?<\/p>\n
The reason? This particular camp has a gentleman\u2019s dress code.<\/p>\n
You must wear a waistcoat, tie, and collared shirt or period-specific attire.<\/p>\n
The other rule is that dress should match the era: cowboy for cowboy shooting, gangster for the early 1900s, revolutionary soldier for the War of Independence.<\/p>\n
The point isn\u2019t vanity\u2014it\u2019s mindset. <\/p>\n
The clothes, the rituals, and the roles help you step outside daily life\u2014to learn, compete, and, for one weekend, unburden yourself from the shackles of your \u201cthis-could-have-been-an-email\u201d corporate existence fueled with way too much caffeine.<\/p>\n
What I find most rewarding is the banter across generations. At nearly every retreat, there are at least three\u2014Gen X through Gen Z\u2014and if you count the host\u2019s family, sometimes five (Boomer through Gen Alpha). That kind of span is rare, yet the shared interest in history, firearms, movies, video games, and craftsmanship makes it work.<\/p>\n
We talk about every kind of movie, the history of video games, and even politics<\/a>. It reminds me of the old days when men gathered in parlors to debate the news and challenge each other\u2019s ideas\u2014something sorely missing in our culture today. That sense of civility and mutual respect keeps me coming back year after year.<\/p>\n Skill-building needs measurement. Since I only practice shooting once a year, my benchmark is how I perform against my fellow campers and how I improve over the weekend. The competition<\/a> isn\u2019t about winning (though some take it seriously) but about getting better together.<\/p>\n There\u2019s nothing like supportive pressure to expose your limits and highlight where you can improve. <\/p>\n We all root for each other.<\/p>\n We all want to see progress.<\/p>\n We all want to have a good time.<\/p>\n I find a similar spirit in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, but retreats amplify it because the combination of focus, feedback, and fun creates accelerated growth and deeper bonds.<\/p>\n A retreat offers immersion. Phones go away. Distractions fade. You\u2019re in the moment.<\/p>\n That focus is fuel for learning and connection. Disconnection from the chaos of the outside world is essential\u2014not just for relaxation, but to practice the art of male friendship<\/a> and presence.<\/p>\n At a shooting retreat, safety and cooperation<\/a> are nonnegotiable. Even if you know your campmates well, the social contract of \u201cplay nice, stay safe\u201d reinforces civility and trust.<\/p>\n But beyond civility lies something richer\u2014purpose and participation. Shared mission, shared attire, shared challenge\u2014these forge camaraderie faster than small talk ever could.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a growing sense that men are drifting\u2014socially, emotionally, and economically.<\/p>\n In a recent post, \u201cAdvice for Young Men Who Are Feeling Lost\u201d<\/a> on Tim Ferriss\u2019s blog, Tim reproduces an excerpt from NYU professor Scott Galloway<\/a>\u2019s new book, Notes on Being a Man<\/em>:<\/p>\n These aren\u2019t just statistics\u2014they\u2019re symptoms of disconnection.<\/p>\n As I wrote in How Male Friendships Save Lives<\/a>, building and sustaining close friendships isn\u2019t just good for men\u2014it\u2019s essential. It\u2019s one of the most effective ways to counter the growing epidemic of male loneliness<\/a>.<\/p>\n Another post, Why So Many Men Struggle to Make Friends<\/a>, argues that men\u2019s difficulties in forming and maintaining friendships aren\u2019t personal failings but symptoms of broader cultural and structural changes.<\/p>\n And research on masculinity and social connectedness<\/a> reaches the same conclusion: Men who nurture strong peer relationships consistently report lower anxiety<\/a>, greater emotional resilience<\/a>, and higher overall life satisfaction.<\/p>\n Viewed through that lens, a themed shooting retreat isn\u2019t a nostalgic indulgence\u2014it\u2019s social infrastructure. It offers ritual, skill, focus, and shared purpose. It replaces isolation with belonging. The waistcoat, the challenge, the banter\u2014all are tools for rebuilding something ancient and sorely needed right now for men: community.<\/p>\n I use \u201cgentleman’s code\u201d with a wink and a nod, yet its core still matters: respect, ritual, accountability, and honor among peers. That code becomes social glue. A waistcoat isn\u2019t just nostalgia<\/a>\u2014it\u2019s a signal that, for the weekend, we\u2019re not scrolling or multitasking\u2014we\u2019re here, present, learning, and living.<\/p>\nHealthy Competition<\/h2>\n
The Power of Focus<\/h2>\n
Connecting With Others<\/h2>\n
Why This Matters Now<\/h2>\n
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Realigning the Gentleman\u2019s Code<\/h2>\n