\n<\/p>\n
SINGAPORE: A Singaporean mother\u2019s complaint about an elderly bakery worker has sparked heated debate online, with many netizens defending the worker and questioning why she was photographed and exposed on social media over a single remark.<\/p>\n
The incident was shared on the Complaint Singapore<\/em> Facebook page by a mother who said she had visited Yamazaki Bakery at VivoCity with her two young children and helper.<\/p>\n She explained that, \u201cLike many children with ADHD, everything happened in a split second.\u201d Before she could react, both of her children \u201cexcitedly picked up a doughnut each from the display and took a bite.\u201d<\/p>\n The mother stressed that she \u201cimmediately apologised to the staff and assured them that I would pay for both doughnuts without hesitation.\u201d While she continued browsing for a few more items, her helper took the children outside the bakery.<\/p>\n According to the mother, an elderly woman standing behind the packing counter then said loudly in Chinese: \u201cWe cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThose words hit me harder than she could ever have imagined,\u201d the mother wrote.<\/p>\n She said she approached the woman calmly and explained that both of her children have ADHD and that what had happened \u201cwas a result of their condition, not poor parenting.\u201d<\/p>\n Describing the daily realities of raising children with ADHD, the mother wrote that every outing requires \u201cpatience, constant vigilance, and understanding\u201d because her children can \u201cact impulsively before they fully process the consequences of their actions.\u201d<\/p>\n She added that parents like herself fight \u201csilent battles that the public never sees\u2014therapy appointments, emotional meltdowns, endless teaching, and the constant effort to help our children fit into a world that often misunderstands them.\u201d<\/p>\n The mother concluded by appealing for greater empathy.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t expect everyone to understand ADHD, but I do hope people can choose kindness over judgement,\u201d she wrote, adding: \u201cCompassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best.\u201d<\/p>\n The post ended up backfiring on the mother after she included a photo of the elderly worker. The image appeared to have been taken without the worker\u2019s knowledge and initially showed her face clearly. After attracting criticism, the mother reposted the image with the woman\u2019s face hastily censored.<\/p>\n Many commenters argued that the decision to post the worker\u2019s photograph contradicted the mother\u2019s own call for compassion.<\/p>\n One person responded by echoing the mother\u2019s closing message almost word for word.\u00a0\u201cI agree that compassion costs nothing. Why do you need to shame her online?\u201d the commenter wrote, \u201cA careless act can leave a scar on her that lasts for longer than the incident. Before you criticise her, please remember that she might also be fighting her own battles.\u201d<\/p>\n Others questioned how the elderly worker could have known the circumstances behind the children\u2019s behaviour.<\/p>\n \u201cDid your kids carry a sign wrote \u2018I have ADHD\u2019?\u201d one commenter asked. While acknowledging that the mother was probably \u201cstressed and tired,\u201d the person said they understood why the worker made the remark, adding that she could have simply explained the situation instead of becoming \u201cover emotional.\u201d<\/p>\n Several comments distinguished between understanding ADHD and excusing behaviour.\u00a0One lengthy response said, \u201cADHD explains behaviour. It does not excuse it,\u201d arguing that if a child is impulsive, \u201cyou, as the parent, have an even greater responsibility to teach boundaries and manage situations where impulsive behaviour is likely.\u201d<\/p>\n The commenter added that \u201ctaking food off a shelf and eating it before paying is not acceptable, regardless of the reason behind it,\u201d before accusing the mother of focusing on publicly shaming the employee instead of correcting her children\u2019s behaviour.<\/p>\n \u201cIf thoughtfulness and empathy are the standard, shouldn\u2019t they apply to everyone, including the employee simply doing her job?\u201d the commenter asked.<\/p>\n The same individual also argued that the bigger issue was the lesson children take away from such incidents. \u201cWhen a child sees a parent immediately blame everyone else instead of correcting inappropriate behaviour, they learn that accountability is optional and that their actions are always someone else\u2019s fault,\u201d the commenter wrote.<\/p>\n Others, including people who said they had experience with ADHD, echoed similar views.<\/p>\n \u201cTo be honest, I do have friends with ADHD children,\u201d one person wrote, \u201cAlthough they get excited easily and sometimes do things out of the norm. But grabbing doughnuts directly from the display is something unacceptable.\u201d<\/p>\n Another netizen agreed, saying: \u201cI know of many kids who have ADHD but they don\u2019t take a bite off doughnuts at the shops. Perhaps you would need to strengthen your instructions to your kids.\u201d<\/p>\n Some commenters said the parent should have just said sorry and dropped the issue.\u00a0\u201cYour feelings are valid and their feelings are valid too,\u201d one person wrote,\u00a0\u201cYou want compassion towards ADHD kids. What about them? Those who are working and also tired of life. Just apologise and move on.\u201d<\/p>\n The strongest backlash, however, centred on the decision to post the elderly worker\u2019s photograph online.<\/p>\n \u201cI disagree with you once you posted her picture,\u201d one commenter said plainly.<\/p>\n Another wrote: \u201cHer comments may be unkind and wrongly spoken but you aren\u2019t any better to have taken her pic and posted it online like that.\u201d<\/p>\n The person pointed out that the mother had already explained her children\u2019s condition to the worker, asking: \u201cIs it still necessary to post her pic even though it\u2019s partially censored? She is also trying her best to earn a living, isn\u2019t it?\u201d<\/p>\n Others urged the mother to extend the same understanding to the elderly woman that she had asked others to show her family.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s show compassion to the elderly for not knowing the right things to say too,\u201d one commenter wrote, suggesting the woman may have \u201cgone through a lot of hardships in her life\u201d before adding that the mother\u2019s post came across as \u201cme, me, me\u201d and that she needs to have \u201csome thoughts for others too.\u201d<\/p>\n Another commenter sarcastically asked: \u201cYou are shaming the old lady too. Before openly shaming her on Facebook, have you checked what happened to her before today? Maybe she also has ADHD?\u201d<\/p>\n Some commenters also worried that the post could have consequences beyond online criticism.\u00a0\u201cYou shaming the staff is gonna cost her loss of job,\u201d one person warned.<\/p>\n Another netizen was even more blunt, writing: \u201cSeems like you are the one without compassion. Still take photos and blame the poor auntie online. At least she didn\u2019t post online blaming you for being a useless parent.\u201d<\/p>\n Although many commenters accepted that the worker\u2019s remark was insensitive and could have been hurtful, the overwhelming sentiment in the discussion was that publicly photographing and exposing an elderly employee was a disproportionate response, with many arguing that the compassion the mother asked for should have been extended to the bakery worker as well.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n