Recent incidents involving women confronting men who allegedly took photos of them, as well as female passengers alleging verbal harassment from private-hire drivers, have sparked a familiar question: Why didn\u2019t they just confront the person immediately?<\/p>\n
The answer, according to psychologists and women Stomp spoke to who have experienced such situations, is that people respond to threats in different ways, often subconsciously.<\/p>\n
In psychology, these responses are known as: fight, flight, freeze and fawn.<\/p>\n
Fight: confronting the perpetrator<\/h2>\n
Influencer Kasey Low confronted an elderly man<\/a> after allegedly finding \u201cthree rows of zoomed-in photos\u201d of her butt on his phone \u2014 taken while she was playing pickleball<\/a> with her friends.<\/p>\n \u201cPast me would not have posted this or just kept quiet, but I know there\u2019ll be other girls who\u2019ll be afraid or don\u2019t want to cause trouble and just keep quiet and let it go because I used to be like that,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cConfronting is 100 times better than keeping quiet and letting them get away with it. If you\u2019re scared, tell someone!\u201d<\/p>\n In a video posted on July 23, TikTok user @jokaaqi also confronted a man near Haji Lane after alleging that he had been taking photos of women\u2019s skirts.<\/p>\n She said she initially avoided eye contact when he allegedly began taking photos of her too, but confronted him after he continued pointing his camera at her.<\/p>\n Both women chose to confront the men, but this is not necessarily an option everyone would feel safe taking.<\/p>\n \u201cA fight, such as a verbal confrontation, can escalate the danger. It could risk provoking anger, physical violence, or reckless driving from the person in control,\u201d said advocacy organisation AWARE.<\/p>\n Women like Sarah Lim<\/a> and Instagram user @Huatyousay<\/a>, who received inappropriate comments from their private-hire drivers and posted about their encounters, were accused by netizens for \u201cplaying along\u201d and \u201cleading\u201d the drivers on by not putting a stop to their conversations.<\/p>\n Lim\u2019s driver had commented on her looks and ethnicity, while Huatyousay\u2019s driver had propositioned her and her partner for a threesome.<\/p>\n Both women continued talking to their private-hire drivers despite being visibly perturbed by their comments.<\/p>\n Lim \u201cdidn\u2019t know how to react\u201d and felt \u201ca bit uncomfortable and disturbed\u201d when her private hire driver made comments on her appearance and ethnicity.<\/p>\n PHOTOS: SARXH.LIM\/TIKTOK<\/p>\n<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/div>\n Dr Tsao I Ting, clinical director at Redwood Psychology<\/a>, said this could be a fawn response \u2014 an appeasement strategy where someone tries to keep a threatening person calm by being agreeable or friendly.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s especially common in situations with a power or control imbalance, like being a passenger with a driver,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n The goal may be to keep the interaction predictable and non-confrontational until the person is safely out of the situation.<\/p>\n Jane, 27, who works in the media industry, said she once nervously laughed when a private-hire driver asked if she was single after complimenting her hair.<\/p>\n She was heading home from work at around 11pm and was only five minutes from her destination, so she pretended to call her father asking if he was done teaching karate instead.<\/p>\n Jane believes women should not be criticised for continuing to engage with a driver who makes them uncomfortable. \u201cAs women, we are naturally socialised to de-escalate situations because that\u2019s usually the safest thing for us to do,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n Dr Tsao said a person\u2019s response to an unsafe situation depends on both internal and external factors.<\/p>\n For someone in an enclosed space like a private-hire vehicle, the driver controls the car, route and when the doors open \u2014 making escape challenging. \u201cLeaving the situation is not a viable option,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cConfronting the drivers might lead to unpredictable pushbacks from the drivers, endangering the women more.\u201d<\/p>\n AWARE similarly noted that fighting or fleeing may not be safe in an enclosed situation such as a moving vehicle. For women in these situations, trying to flee could mean getting out of a moving car or being dropped off in an unfamiliar area, potentially at night.<\/p>\n 31-year-old public servant Jen \u2014 who has received many questions from male drivers about where she lives and whether she is in a relationship \u2014 echoed this point.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t exactly open the door and throw myself out right?\u201d she asked rhetorically.<\/p>\n While none of the aforementioned incidents involved freezing, Dr Tsao described it as \u201can involuntary state where the brain immobilises the body and mind under a threat that one is unable to escape\u201d.<\/p>\n Simply put, people who freeze are unable to exert control over their body, because the nervous system has temporarily disabled that function.<\/p>\n No matter the reaction, Dr Tsao stressed that a person\u2019s outward behaviour does not necessarily reflect their internal state.<\/p>\n \u201cStaying calm, laughing, or continuing the conversation was a safety strategy, not a verdict on how okay the situation was,\u201d she said, adding that victim-blaming tends to discourage victims away from reporting similar incidents and shifts attention away from the perpetrators.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is like in a case of school bullying<\/a>, and the focus is on the victim for not protecting himself well enough, instead of focusing on the bully who started the aggression,\u201d Dr Tsao explained.<\/p>\n AWARE said victim-blaming can cause survivors \u2014 who tend to be women \u2014 to question themselves and discourage others from coming forward.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen the public interrogates a survivor\u2019s actions instead of holding the perpetrator accountable, it sends a loud, chilling message to everyone else: if you speak up, it is you who will be put on trial, not your abuser,\u201d it said.<\/p>\n The organisation added that there is no single correct way to respond to harassment, noting that it may be unsafe to record the incident, confront the person or resist their comments.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have to remember that immediate survivor responses like fawning are not conscious choices. If a survivor responds in a certain way and sticks with it until the danger ends, that is okay,\u201d AWARE said.<\/p>\n Importantly, there is also no single right way for victims to feel about harassment.<\/p>\n Dr Tsao added: \u201cFeeling shaken, angry, numb, or oddly fine are all normal; there\u2019s no \u2018correct\u2019 emotional response.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGive it time, and consider professional support if the unease lingers \u2014 a short, unsettling incident can still leave a real emotional residue, and that\u2019s worth taking seriously rather than minimising.\u201d<\/p>\n Have something to say? Join in!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Explore more on these topics<\/p>\n<\/div>\n See something interesting? Contribute<\/a> your story to us.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n<\/div>\nFawning: why some people laugh or \u2018play along\u2019<\/h2>\n
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Flight: to escape, but it\u2019s not always possible<\/h2>\n
\u2018The way someone reacts does not tell you how they felt\u2019<\/h2>\n
\u2018Immediate survivor responses are not conscious choices\u2019: AWARE<\/h2>\n
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