A mother was mortified when her two children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) unexpectedly picked up a donut each from a VivoCity bakery\u2019s display and took a bite before she could pay for them.<\/p>\n
What shocked her, however, was a staff member\u2019s response, as she overheard the employee saying: \u201cWe cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing.\u201d<\/p>\n
The mother recounted the incident in an anonymous post on the Complaint Singapore Facebook group<\/a> on July 24.<\/p>\n That day, she entered the bakery with her two young children and helper when the incident happened \u201cin a split second\u201d. Both her children, who have ADHD<\/a>, picked up a donut each from the display and took a bite.<\/p>\n She said she immediately apologised to staff members, assuring that she would pay for the food.<\/p>\n Feeling embarrassed but trying to remain composed, the mother said she continued browsing other items while her two children remained outside the bakery with her helper.<\/p>\n However, she recalled hearing an elderly lady behind the packing counter saying loudly in Mandarin: \u201cWe cannot blame the children. We can only blame the parents for their poor upbringing.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThose words hit me harder than she could ever have imagined,\u201d the mother wrote, explaining that she already carries the \u201cemotional weight\u201d of raising children with ADHD<\/a>.<\/p>\n Her children might act impulsively before processing the consequences of their actions, she said, but such behaviour is not because they are ill-mannered, spoiled, or intentionally disobedient.<\/p>\n \u201cHearing a stranger publicly judge my parenting, without knowing anything about my children or our circumstances, was incredibly painful and humiliating,\u201d she expressed.<\/p>\n Later, she said she approached the staff member to explain that her children\u2019s behaviour was a result of their condition, not poor parenting. She also told the staff member that her remarks were \u201cdeeply hurtful\u201d.<\/p>\n Ending the post, the mother urged others to \u201cchoose kindness over judgement\u201d, acknowledging that families may be grappling with complex situations behind closed doors.<\/p>\n \u201cCompassion costs nothing, but it can mean everything to a family trying their very best,\u201d she concluded.<\/p>\n The Facebook post garnered almost a thousand reactions, with several offering an alternative perspective.<\/p>\n One netizen felt that ADHD \u201cexplains behaviour\u201d but \u201cdoes not excuse it\u201d, suggesting that parents have an \u201ceven greater responsibility to teach boundaries\u201d in such situations.<\/p>\n They added that taking food off a shelf and eating before paying is \u201cnot acceptable\u201d, pointing out that children are capable of learning appropriate behaviour when they are guided consistently.<\/p>\n Others suggested that the staff member might not have known that the children have ADHD, questioning the mother\u2019s decision to \u201cshame her online\u201d.<\/p>\n \u201cLet\u2019s show compassion to the elderly for not knowing the right things to say too,\u201d another chimed in.<\/p>\n Stomp has reached out to the bakery in question for comment.<\/p>\n Have something to say? Join in!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Explore more on these topics<\/p>\n<\/div>\n See something interesting? Contribute<\/a> your story to us.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n<\/div>\nMother reflects on staff member\u2019s remark: \u2018Painful and humiliating\u2019<\/h2>\n
ADHD \u2018explains behaviour\u2019 but \u2018does not excuse it\u2019: Netizens<\/h2>\n
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