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SINGAPORE – Writer Don Shiau, 45, and his then wife waited nearly three years before filing for divorce \u2013 holding out for a new legal option for them to part ways without blaming each other.<\/p>\n
They used divorce by mutual agreement, which kicked in on July 1, 2024, as it did not feel truthful or fair to cite unreasonable behaviour as the reason<\/span><\/a> for their marriage ending.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was not the kind of divorce (where you think) \u2018You are so unreasonable that I cannot live with you anymore\u2019,\u201d said Shiau.<\/p>\n \u201cWe felt we conducted ourselves well in the marriage. So to go on record to say (there was) unreasonable behaviour, it didn\u2019t feel emotionally right.\u201d<\/p>\n The childless couple separated amicably.<\/p>\n There was no major deal breaker like adultery or abuse, said Shiau, who obtained his former wife\u2019s blessing for this interview.<\/p>\n He added that their marriage counsellor had said their main issue was the way they handled conflict.<\/p>\n \u201cWe had very different approaches to resolving conflict, and it ended up taking a toll on both of us,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cWe ended up feeling unhappy and resentful, and it felt (like the marriage) couldn\u2019t work anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n Their divorce was finalised about four months after they filed. The process was smooth, said Shiau.<\/p>\n Like him and his former wife, almost one in five civil, or non-Muslim, couples<\/span><\/a> in 2025 cited this new legal fact, according to the 2025 marriage and divorce statistics released by the Department of Statistics on July 10.<\/p>\n A fact is one of six ways recognised under the Women\u2019s Charter to prove a marriage has broken down irretrievably.<\/p>\n Divorce by mutual agreement was the third-most common reason cited for civil divorces, after unreasonable behaviour and living apart or separated for three years or more.<\/p>\n Lawyers say the new option reduces acrimony in the divorce process, as it allows couples to jointly acknowledge that the marriage has broken down without requiring either spouse to be cast as the wrongdoer.<\/p>\n Gloria James-Civetta, head lawyer of Gloria James-Civetta & Co, said that if a spouse cites a fault-based fact, such as unreasonable behaviour or adultery, he or she has to set out their charges of such behaviour. And the other party may deny or counter those allegations.<\/p>\n She said: \u201cThis can place parties in the roles of accuser and the accused, and require them to revisit painful events in the marriage to establish or resist blame.<\/p>\n \u201cSuch allegations may heighten feelings of anger, humiliation and resentment, making it more difficult for the parties to communicate respectfully.\u201d<\/p>\n Jessica Chow, PKWA Law Practice\u2019s associate director of family law and probate department, said focusing on problem-solving instead of fault-finding also benefits children.<\/p>\n Chow said: \u201cWhen parents are able to avoid an adversarial contest over blame, they are generally better able to communicate and work together on decisions affecting their children.\u201d<\/p>\n In Singapore, the only legal ground for civil divorces is that the marriage has broken down irretrievably.<\/p>\n Divorce by mutual agreement is one of six facts that can be relied on to prove this.<\/p>\n There are three fault-based facts \u2013 adultery, desertion and unreasonable behaviour.<\/p>\n Besides that, there are also two non-fault-based facts, where a couple must have been separated for at least three years with consent to divorce or separated for at least four years if there is no consent.<\/p>\n But citing divorce by mutual agreement is not an easy way out, said Rajan Chettiar, managing director of Rajan Chettiar LLC.<\/p>\n Couples have to tell the Family Justice Courts in detail why their marriage broke down, what they did to try to save it and why it still cannot be salvaged, he said.<\/p>\n He added that divorce by mutual agreement is the only fact where the couple must show the attempts they have taken to mend their marriage.<\/p>\n Chow said that this includes attending marriage counselling or mediation, seeking advice from family, friends or religious leaders, or discussing their differences and making other efforts to improve their relationship.<\/p>\n She added: \u201cIf the Family Justice Courts is not satisfied that the parties have genuinely explored reconciliation and that those efforts have failed, or if it considers there remains a real prospect of reconciliation, it may delay or decline to grant the divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n Previously, there were concerns that allowing for divorces by mutual agreement would make divorce easier and lead to more couples ending their marriages.<\/p>\n The latest figures suggest that this has not happened, and lawyers note that couples do not decide on divorce lightly.\u00a0<\/p>\n There were 5,288 civil divorces in 2025, down from 5,638 in 2024 and 5,649 in 2023.<\/p>\n Director of Integro Law Chambers Angelina Hing said: \u201cIt would never be the case where a party learns that it is easier to get a divorce and decides to get one.\u201d<\/p>\n For Shiau, ending his marriage of four years was a difficult decision, given all the good times he and his former wife shared.<\/p>\n They had tried their best to make the marriage work, having attended 25 sessions of marriage counselling.<\/p>\n They also attended five sessions of discernment counselling \u2013 an option for couples on the brink of divorce \u2013 to help them decide whether to stay or end their marriage.<\/p>\n He said the discernment counselling helped him conclude that even after trying their best, further efforts to repair their relationship was futile.<\/p>\n Shiau said divorce by mutual agreement was a \u201chumane\u201d option, as it did not involve revisiting the faults and grievances in the marriage. Today, he and his former wife are still \u201ccordial\u201d.<\/p>\n He said: \u201cThe way I see it, if we can\u2019t have a good marriage, at least have a good divorce.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n SINGAPORE – Writer Don Shiau, 45, and his then wife waited nearly three years before filing for divorce \u2013 holding out for a new legal…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1864,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2611],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-71806","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-buzz-headlines","wpcat-2611-id"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71806","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=71806"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71806\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=71806"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=71806"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=71806"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Not an easy way out<\/h2>\n
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