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SINGAPORE: A father shared that he is contemplating leaving his wife of 18 years after both of their children begged him to divorce her.<\/span><\/p>\n Posting on the r\/SingaporeRaw forum, the father said the request came after his wife allegedly treated their children, aged 10 and 14, horribly, particularly the older one, whom she allegedly constantly berated to the point that she self-harmed.<\/span><\/p>\n He wrote that his wife had been \u201cemotionally harsh\u201d towards their elder daughter for several years, particularly while she was preparing for her PSLE examinations in 2024.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n According to him, she repeatedly pressured the teenager to excel academically, constantly reminding her to study hard so she could \u201cearn a lot in the future.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBecause of academic pressures and she really wanted to excel, my daughter went off rails and attempted to cut her wrist using pen knife,\u201d the father recalled. \u201cWhen her school discovered her cutting her own wrist sometime in July 2024, they called me and advised me to pick her back from school to go home and rest.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n While he tried to comfort his daughter, he claimed his wife showed little concern when she returned home, focusing on scolding the teenager for not having showered before storming out of the house. Later, she reportedly sent him a WhatsApp message saying, The following day, the family held a discussion with the children\u2019s grandparents, but the father said the issues were never properly resolved.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cMy in-laws came over and sat all of us down to talk about this. Wife started blaming her mum for the stress she had when she was younger. Her mum had to apologise for it. I was kind of taken aback by all these, but I just kept quiet, not wanting to stir more problems, and we all moved on.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The father said there was another wrist-cutting incident a couple of weeks later when his wife once again nagged her daughter badly. He recalled that this fight had been so big that it almost ended in \u201ca fist fight between his wife and kid.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He recounted another incident this year when his wife allegedly ordered their daughter not to return home after the pair argued over the teenager\u2019s phone use on a bus. The father said he spent three hours calming his sobbing daughter before persuading her to return home.<\/span><\/p>\n Concerned about the worsening relationship, he arranged family counselling. However, he claimed his wife dismissed counselling as \u201cuseless\u201d and appeared uninterested in engaging with the process.<\/span><\/p>\n The final straw, he said, came during another argument when his wife allegedly told their daughter, who had previously self-harmed, to \u201cjump off a building and ki**yourself.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThey both had another big argument. In heat of the moment, wife shouted to kid, \u2018Since you like to cut your own wrist, why don\u2019t you just jump off building to ki** yourself?\u2019 I told wife on the spot, \u2018How could you say such things? You are the adult here!\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He said both daughters have since asked him to divorce their mother.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThey want to stay with me and not her. I know by default in a divorce, court would grant joint custody care and control to the mother by default. My original intention with the family counselling was to help patch relationship with wife and kid.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBut after that thing about asking kid to ki** herself (even though they were heated words), I knew I had to take action to protect both my daughters. So I\u2019m hoping family counsellor would be able to help prove that wife is not suitable parent.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He added that the atmosphere at home has become \u201ctense\u201d whenever his wife returns from work, and that his elder daughter is still hoping her mother will apologise for allegedly throwing her out of the house and making the remark encouraging her to end her life.<\/span><\/p>\n Looking ahead, the father said he is now seriously considering divorce because he no longer believes his wife is willing to change or put the family\u2019s well-being first.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n He also mentioned that his wife and elder daughter are no longer on speaking terms, and that he only sees his daughters \u201ctruly happy\u201d when they are with him without their mother around.<\/span><\/p>\n Beyond the parenting issues, the father said his marriage has also been struggling for years.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThere are communications issues, among other things. And technically, my marriage is dead.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n He then shared one particular incident that wounded his feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n He said that he had promised his wife a new ring for their 10th wedding anniversary but had to delay the purchase because of financial difficulties. Five years later, he bought her a custom blue sapphire ring that ended up costing S$4,800, more than double his original S$2,000 budget.<\/span><\/p>\n While he said his wife was delighted with the gift, he admitted feeling hurt that she did not get him anything for their anniversary.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThing is, I never received anything from her for our anniversary. Although, to be fair, we never bought gifts for each other, but she knew about this ring because we had to go custom-make it for sizing, and it will take 2 weeks before custom ring was ready.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSo she had a lot of time to take initiative to get something for me (if ever). Alas, it did not happen. You could say I should have hinted to her if I really wanted something in return. That\u2019s on me.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhen I confronted her, asked her why I didn\u2019t get anything. She brushed it off saying, \u2018This is different.\u2019 I further probed on her reasoning, she then told me, \u2018If you are not happy, I can always transfer money back to you for the ring.\u2019 That was when I back off and stopped talking about this.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Singaporean Redditors heavily criticised the mother, with some calling her \u201cinsane,\u201d \u201ctoxic,\u201d \u201cdisrespectful,\u201d and a \u201cwalking gaslighter.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n They also encouraged the post author to go through with the divorce for the sake of his children.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI would divorce if I\u2019m in your shoes. That\u2019s for both you and your children\u2019s sanity sake. Doesn\u2019t sound like the family\u2019s gonna be happy going forward with these kinda deep resentment from the kids towards their mum. Doesn\u2019t sound like she appreciates you too,\u201d one wrote.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYou need to get your daughter out of that environment. Honestly, it doesn\u2019t really matter what happens between you and your wife at this point; you need to rebuild trust with your daughter and get her head in a better place,\u201d another said.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI am sorry to hear about your situation. Right now, I hope that you will consider living separately or maybe file for child protection,\u201d a third added.\/TISG<\/span><\/p>\n
\u201cOk, blame me! It\u2019s all my fault! I am a bad mother!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\nThis year\u2019s incidents<\/span><\/h2>\n
Marital problems<\/span><\/h2>\n
\u201cFile for child protection\u201d<\/span><\/h2>\n