\n<\/p>\n
I am guilty of this, too. I catch myself giving the side-eye when I see a mum using a digital device to calm her toddler\u2019s tantrum. I feel taken aback if a mum goes on frequent long holidays without her young children. And don\u2019t get me started on mums who push all the playtime to their helpers.<\/p>\n
I have watched another mum choose differently from me and felt that small, ugly spark of superiority.<\/p>\n
I do not like admitting this. It makes me come across as petty and self-righteous \u2013 and I know that, in those moments, I am.<\/p>\n
So why are mums so rigid with their rulebooks? And why do we judge others when we hate being judged?<\/p>\n
Jackie Li, a 38-year-old speech therapist and mum of one, has a theory: \u201cMany mums are over-functioning \u2013 we wear a lot of hats, giving and giving but don\u2019t receive the recognition or take the rest that we need.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis makes us more easily exhausted or burnt out, yet we still feel like we need to strive to be \u2018perfect\u2019 or control everything to make sure things are right.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo when we see someone approaching parenting differently, calling them out or judging can be a quick feel-good move or even provide us with some form of validation that we\u2019re better. We look at other mums doing it \u2018wrong\u2019 and think, \u2018Phew, at least I\u2019m not doing that\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n
This over-functioning also hides mums\u2019 deep-seated insecurities and a desire for affirmation, Li said.<\/p>\n
This makes sense to me. Parenting is full of everyday decisions that rarely come with instant confirmation that we have made the \u2018right\u2019 choice. We pick a sleep method, feeding approach, a daycare centre or childcare arrangement \u2013 then worry that we\u2019ve got it all wrong.<\/p>\n
Of course, some decisions are objectively harmful and should be called out, including unsupervised or excessive screen time, neglecting a child\u2019s medical or emotional needs, verbal abuse disguised as jokes or putting kids in unsafe situations.<\/p>\n
But I\u2019m not talking about those extremes, I\u2019m referring to the ordinary, everyday decisions that differ from family to family.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
\n
I am guilty of this, too. I catch myself giving the side-eye when I see a mum using a digital device to calm her toddler\u2019s…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":65719,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"fifu_image_url":"https:\/\/dam.mediacorp.sg\/image\/upload\/s--95dP4JOQ--\/c_crop,h_900,w_1600,x_0,y_83\/c_fill,g_auto,h_676,w_1200\/f_auto,q_auto\/v1\/mediacorp\/cna\/image\/2026\/06\/12\/mums_judging_one_another_for_every_choice_they_make.jpg?itok=Ij1B-DR3","fifu_image_alt":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[6273,6676,6840,1469],"class_list":["post-65718","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-buzz-news-sg-global","tag-choices","tag-judge","tag-mums","tag-parenting","wpcat-2-id"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65718","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=65718"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/65718\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/65719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=65718"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=65718"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sgbuzz.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=65718"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}