There is a comedian among us. He walks along the corridors of SMRT and recently achieved a feat that humour writers can only dream of.\u00a0His one-liner made me spit out my cornflakes.<\/p>\n
According to a recent Stomp report, Marcus Pang, a power washing artist \u2014 no, I had no idea either and yes we\u2019ll come back to that \u2014 had sprayed his latest creation across a bicycle parking zone outside Mountbatten MRT station<\/a>.<\/p>\n An SMRT staff member asked if Pang had a permit for his artwork. Pang claimed that he didn\u2019t need one and the SMRT staff member came back with a killer reply…\u00a0\u201cThis is Singapore, bro.\u201d<\/p>\n And the cornflakes splattered across my laptop screen.<\/p>\n This is Singapore, bro.<\/em><\/p>\n That\u2019s right, people. Thump your chests and say it proudly. Malaysia does cheap petrol<\/a> and the United States<\/a> does the illegal invasion of sovereign nations. But this is Singapore, bro. And we do permits.<\/p>\n Fancy an overnight camping stay at East Coast Park<\/a>? Get a permit. A speech at Speakers Corner<\/a>? Get a permit. A spot of fishing<\/a>? Permit. You wanna be naked in your own house? Permit.<\/p>\n Actually, there\u2019s no permit for that one, you pervert.<\/p>\n And if you\u2019re keen on cleaning the concrete outside Mountbatten MRT to design an artwork that represents peace? Get a permit.<\/p>\n The irony is, we don\u2019t need a permit to make babies and yet we procreate with as much success<\/a> as a pair of hedgehogs rolling down a hill.<\/p>\n It\u2019s the knee jerk reaction that really titillates, the instinctive assumption that whenever we do a \u201cthing\u201d, something that\u2019s new, creative or unfamiliar, then a permit must surely be required, like Singapore qualifying for the World Cup<\/a>. It\u2019s never happened, so there must be a Fifa permit or something that\u2019s stopping us.<\/p>\n And if there isn\u2019t a permit, then the culprit will usually be held until one is created. In Pang\u2019s case, he was allegedly \u201cdetained\u201d as they all waited for the police to arrive with their special \u201cpower-washing outside an MRT station and next to a bike rack\u201d permit.<\/p>\n Singaporean permits must be like the tools on Batman\u2019s utility belt. Fumble around for long enough and the right one will pop out eventually.<\/p>\n Finally, the police officers arrived and concluded that no crimes had been committed, according to Pang. However, they recommended that he should obtain a letter of endorsement from the local MP because, you know,\u00a0this is Singapore, bro<\/em>.<\/p>\n How I\u2019d love to be a fly on the wall as that request arrives in the intray of the relevant member of parliament as his or her secretary says, \u201cright, we\u2019ve got a local business asking if the latest Trump tariffs are going to affect costs. Construction workers are worried about the heat and a power washer wants a permit for his Mountbatten project.\u201d<\/p>\n Surely, the MP could only reply, \u201cWhat\u2019s a power washer? Is that \u2018woke-speak\u2019 for money laundering because I\u2019ve already said, \u2018no more mala hotpots<\/a> in my food courts\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, sir, he\u2019s an artistic power washer.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd that means what? He\u2019s a money launderer who buys paintings for tax breaks?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, he uses a power-washing tool and rainwater to blow away the dirt on pavements and shape something artistic and positive into the concrete.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd he needs a permit for that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is Singapore, bro.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, he cleans the pavements and carves out something pretty for the residents to look at. What\u2019s the problem?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe received a single complaint.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy would I jump through hoops and sanction permits, press releases and social media posts because of a single complaint?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is Singapore, bro.\u201d<\/p>\n It certainly is. And a commuter did indeed lodge a complaint, believing that Pang was \u201cspraying chemicals onto the grass\u201d. Yes, the artist was using that deadly, toxic ingredient \u2013 rainwater.<\/p>\n Look, I know a kid can go viral in Singapore just for riding his toy car in the drizzle<\/a>, but I don\u2019t think rainwater is quite ready to melt us like the Wicked Witch of the West.<\/p>\n Pang was simply using a power washer to spray-draw a genuinely beautiful artwork that showcased the \u201cHeart of Mountbatten\u201d, featuring a heart and two birds. He was highlighting the message that \u201clove conquers all\u201d. But in Singapore, of course, complaints conquer all.<\/p>\n By the next day, Pang\u2019s artwork had been washed away, leaving behind an off-white blob in the middle of a dirty, grey pavement. It warms the heart, doesn\u2019t it? Penang has street murals. Singapore has off-white blobs in a mass of utilitarian concrete.<\/p>\n A unique, artistic voice should be nurtured and cherished in Singapore. It\u2019s not quite a Kevlar vest, but it\u2019s the best defence against the army of large language models ready to take out the mundane, robotic voices of conformity.<\/p>\n Personally, I echo the sentiments of my local MP, Jamus Lim, who has invited Pang to unleash his power-washing artistry upon the streets of Sengkang<\/a>.<\/p>\n Please brighten my town\u2019s footpaths by spraying the following heartfelt message… \u201cThis is Singapore, bro.\u201d<\/p>\n Neil Humphreys<\/a>\u00a0is an award-winning writer and\u00a0MONEY FM radio host<\/a>, a successful author and a failed footballer.<\/em><\/p>\n Have something to say? Join in!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n Explore more on these topics<\/p>\n<\/div>\n See something interesting? Contribute<\/a> your story to us.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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<\/div>\n<\/div>\nA permit for everything?<\/h2>\n
An unexpectedly important topic of discussion<\/h2>\n
Protect our artists<\/h2>\n
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