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<\/div>\n<\/div>\nMs Tan noted that Singaporeans are often raised in environments where \u201cfear is used to guide behaviour\u201d, citing a common phrase directed at children: \u201cDo this or else.\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cOver time, as we grew up and started making our own adult money, we realised \u2018or else\u2019 is not always true. And suddenly, the fear stops working,\u201d she adds.<\/p>\n
Having children becomes a duty<\/h2>\n
She explains that younger generations have become \u201cbolder\u201d, pursuing personal and career growth in unconventional ways, which has led to millennials being perceived as \u201clazy\u201d or lacking \u201cloyalty\u201d.<\/p>\n
Ms Tan argues that the encouragement to have kids feels more like \u201canother instruction, another expectation, another thing that we are supposed to do or else\u201d, adding that people should have the right to choose not to have children.<\/p>\n
In her view, having children has become a perceived societal duty, or something one does for \u201cvalidation, for societal approval, to meet a timeline\u201d, rather than out of a desire to build a family.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t fix birth rates by making people date. You fix it by making people feel safe enough to choose the life they actually want,\u201d Ms Tan says.<\/p>\n
\u201cIt shouldn\u2019t be transactional is what I\u2019m saying.\u201d<\/p>\n
Netizens agree, cite cost of living, global conflict<\/h2>\n
The post quickly went viral, garnering over 187,000 views and 11,100 likes on TikTok. <\/p>\n
\u201cAs a fellow millennial I can\u2019t tell you how seen this video made me feel,\u201d one netizen responded.<\/p>\n
Another agreed with her perspective, saying that younger generations have a \u201chigher expectation of happiness\u201d.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf we aren\u2019t happy, why have kids to have them experience our struggles?\u201d the netizen said.<\/p>\n
Others pointed to global uncertainty as a factor influencing Singaporeans\u2019 reluctance to have children.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo amount of money from the government can help ease the anxiety over the state of the world, global warming, and fear of passing down generational trauma that we are still recovering from\u2026\u201d said one.<\/p>\n
Others felt that cost of living was a key concern.<\/p>\n
\u201cI would be more inclined to have kids if it meant it was actually affordable if you cannot rely on your (grand)parents. Because in most countries, it really isn\u2019t anymore,\u201d a netizen commented, while another cited increasing housing prices.<\/p>\n
However, one TikTok user said the \u201cfree meal\u201d proposal was a step in the right direction, describing the situation as \u201cdifferent strokes for different folks\u201d.<\/p>\n
Singaporeans\u2019 pragmatic approach makes money the \u2018easiest\u2019 excuse <\/h2>\n
Speaking to Stomp, Ms Tan pointed out that Singaporeans are used to evaluating life choices considering trade-offs. <\/p>\n
\u201cSingaporeans tend to be pragmatic to the point where even joy has to pass a cost-benefit analysis,\u201d explained Ms Tan. \u201cIt\u2019s about how we\u2019ve been trained to measure life through money.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ms Tan says that in Singapore, asking \u201cIs it worth it?\u201d has become somewhat of a reflex. <\/p>\n
\u201cWe don\u2019t just spend\u2026 we evaluate, optimise. Then we justify. So enjoyment itself becomes tied to cost. Whether a meal is \u2018worth it\u2019 or not, a trip is \u2018worth it\u2019 or not,\u201d Ms Tan added.<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd then you apply that same lens to parenthood\u2026 It\u2019s expensive. It\u2019s hard. It demands time, energy, identity shifts. And you haven\u2019t tried it yet so you don\u2019t know how the \u2018reward\u2019 is supposed to feel.<\/p>\n
\u201cSo it starts to look like what I\u2019d call a \u2018double negative\u2019: High cost, high sacrifice. Returns uncertain. <\/p>\n
Ms Tan argued that when Singaporeans are conditioned to evaluating life in such a manner, the natural question becomes: \u201cWhat am I getting back?\u201d <\/p>\n
\u201cNow link that to everything we\u2019ve talked about before: If relationships already feel uncertain\u2026 If the outcome of parenthood feels high-pressure\u2026 If the timeline feels unforgiving\u2026 Then money becomes the cleanest and easiest reason to say no.<\/p>\n
\u201cNot because it\u2019s the only reason. But because it\u2019s the most comforting one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018Big life decisions\u2019 shouldn\u2019t be determined by external \u2018noise\u2019 <\/h2>\n
Ms Tan, who\u2019s in her 30s, would not say when she would have a baby, if at all.<\/p>\n
She told Stomp: \u201cThere are a lot of opinions about when you should decide. I just don\u2019t think that decision belongs to anyone else, and I\u2019m comfortable leaving it there.<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the end of the day, we\u2019re all navigating different timelines, different values, different lives. Big life decisions aren\u2019t things we should rush just because there\u2019s noise around us. It should come from you, and the life you want to live\u2026 And that\u2019s something each person has to arrive at for themselves. <\/p>\n
\u201cMyself included.\u201d<\/p>\n
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