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SINGAPORE: An employer has shared her frustration online, saying she feels increasingly worn out trying to manage a sensitive domestic helper who has been with the family for just two months.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not looking for someone I need to constantly manage emotionally or \u2018baby.\u2019 I need someone who can work together with me to keep the household running smoothly,\u201d she wrote in her post on the \u201cDirect Hire Transfer Singapore Maid \/ Domestic Helper\u201d group on Friday (Mar 20).<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI have a very hectic life to manage. I\u2019m handling my kids and my home largely on my own, and what I truly need is support.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n In her post, the employer outlined several behaviours that have been bothering her. For a start, she said the helper rarely returns greetings or bothers to start them, yet complains if the household is quiet. She also refuses to help with simple tasks, such as carrying items when they come home, and rarely bothers to say thank you or apologise when she gets something wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBefore anyone jumps to assumptions, YES, I do apologise and say thank you to her as much as I expect to receive; it\u2019s basic manners,\u201d the employer stressed.<\/span><\/p>\n The employer also pointed to a recurring pattern of behaviour. The helper would appear fine for a week or two, then suddenly become withdrawn or unhappy. At one point, she even posted on social media, saying things like \u201cwhatever I do feels wrong,\u201d which left the employer perplexed, as nothing significant had occurred that day.<\/span><\/p>\n She added that on the day the post appeared, she had only given a few simple, straightforward instructions regarding household chores.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAt this point, I feel like I\u2019m walking on eggshells. If I don\u2019t say anything, things are not done properly. But if I give even simple instructions, it seems to make her feel like she\u2019s being criticised,\u201d she wrote.<\/span><\/p>\n Trying to strike a balance has left her completely drained. She said she has even started keeping quiet just to avoid upsetting the helper, though that has not exactly solved anything either.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t even know if I\u2019m the employer or she\u2019s the employer now,\u201d she added, half joking. \u201cI\u2019ve reached a stage where I feel mentally exhausted and have started to just tolerate instead of addressing things, because I don\u2019t want her to feel pressured. But this doesn\u2019t feel sustainable. Not only it isn\u2019t sustainable, but it seems like even tolerating isn\u2019t enough now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The employer said she believes she has been fair in how she treats her helper. \u201cHere\u2019s the environment I provide: she has her own room and can use air-conditioning; she gets 3\u20134 meals a day (the same food we eat, not leftovers; I even serve her first); if we eat out and she stays home, I pack food back for her (McDonald\u2019s or decent rice with dishes). If she joins us outside, she eats what we eat or orders her own portion.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n As for her duties, the helper is responsible only for housework, with no childcare or eldercare involved. She is not required to do the grocery shopping either. She is given time to rest during the day with full privacy, and the employer added that they often buy snacks and desserts for her.<\/span><\/p>\n Beyond that, the employer said she has made an effort to include the helper in outings, bringing her to different places around Singapore and even helping take photos for her.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n She had also planned to give her a red packet for Hari Raya, on top of one already given during Chinese New Year, despite her short time in the household, and was considering gifting her a new mobile phone for her birthday in June.<\/span><\/p>\n However, given the repeated issues, she admitted she is now hesitant to continue with such gestures, as she does not want to \u201cfeel taken for granted.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI just don\u2019t understand why there\u2019s a need to post things like \u2018whatever I do feels wrong,\u2019 as if I\u2019m a bad employer or someone who is constantly draining you. Maybe it\u2019s also a matter of compatibility; perhaps she might be more suited to a different household environment,\u201d she said.<\/span><\/p>\n In response to the post, a number of commenters encouraged the employer to terminate the contract.<\/span><\/p>\n One person wrote, \u201cBeen there. Got the same issue. Super stressful. Just send her home and find a new one. You don\u2019t deserve to be treated that way. It\u2019s crazy how some helpers behave.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Another echoed this view, stating, \u201cCut your losses; she\u2019s not a fit for your household. If emotional maturity is not there, it\u2019s like having another child in the home\u2014not worth the stress. Don\u2019t tolerate it; move on, and do not reward subpar performance. Find her replacement and let her go.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n A third user shared, \u201cThe moment my helper started showing attitude, I gave her a one-way ticket immediately. As much as we want to be nice, it can also feel suffocating to put up with such an attitude in our home.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Conversely, some advised the employer to offer the helper one final chance to improve.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIf she\u2019s new in Singapore, she may not be accustomed to \u2018these basic manners\u2019 like saying good morning or thank you,\u201d one user said. \u201cIf I were you, I\u2019d give her one last chance, discuss this attitude problem of hers with her, and say you\u2019re terminating the contract due to this problem. And see what happens; if she appreciates you and your family\u2019s goodness and kindness, she\u2019ll find her way to change, but if not, it\u2019s time to let her go and move on.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n In other news, an employer took to social media to express her confusion after finding out that her former helper, who requested to \u201creturn to her home country\u201d just a week into her job and whom she had returned to the agency, had, in fact, remained in Singapore.<\/span><\/p>\n In a post on the r\/askSingapore forum on Sunday (March 15), the employer explained that she contacted the agency immediately when the helper said she needed to leave \u201cbecause of a family emergency.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Read more: <\/span>\u2018Doesn\u2019t add up\u2019: Employer says maid asked to go home but was later found still in SG<\/u><\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\nThe support and environment provided<\/span><\/h2>\n
\u201cFind her replacement and let her go.\u201d<\/span><\/h2>\n