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It\u2019s that season. The holidays are here, and we are apparently meant to be merry. But for many of us\u2014including yours truly\u2014this isn\u2019t the most wonderful time of the year.<\/p>\n
Before you read on, I want to acknowledge this: I am privileged. My basic needs are met. I\u2019m not living in a war zone. I have my health. Others are not so lucky. They are in dire situations. I\u2019m not. I recognize my fortunate circumstances, and I carry deep gratitude<\/a> for my life. Still, when December comes ringing, I carry a quiet melancholy with me too.<\/p>\n I\u2019m not a Scrooge. It\u2019s just that my childhood<\/a> memories associated with Christmas are, well, less than festive. Besides my good ol\u2019 run-of-the-mill mental illnesses, I also have seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I have to double down on not getting down by using my entire arsenal of wellness tools. And I\u2019m still orienting to being divorced<\/a> and living life out loud. It\u2019s been four years since my divorce, but I was with my wuz-band for almost 25 years. It\u2019s an adjustment. <\/p>\n That doesn\u2019t mean I have to go to the bottom of a vat of eggnog and drown. No! There\u2019s a lot I can do. I have agency, strength, and power. Even when parts of me tell me I don\u2019t. I\u2019m telling you this in case you feel alone, in case you feel the same way. I\u2019ll share one of my top strategies to help me stay present with myself and my experience. <\/p>\n Ironically, the more I allow myself to feel and acknowledge what\u2019s happening, the less awful I feel.<\/p>\n My work entails working part-time at home, alone; performing one-person theatrical keynotes, alone; living alone, and I\u2019m an only child. You can see a common theme. If I don\u2019t stay on top of it, I can go days without leaving my apartment, and before I know it, I haven\u2019t seen anyone IRL (in real life). Thought I would throw that in to sound cool. Did it work? The very fact I\u2019m asking reflects that I am, most definitely, not cool. Back to my point.<\/p>\n The World Health Organization defines social connection as \u201cthe ways people relate to and interact with others.\u201d1<\/sup><\/p>\n It\u2019s well known that we are wired for connection.2<\/sup> There is also robust evidence that social connection is associated with better mental and physical health outcomes across a person\u2019s lifespan.3<\/sup><\/p>\n I don\u2019t have a formula. It varies from day to day, the amount and kind of contact I need. Some days, I don\u2019t need any. I\u2019m thriving in my cozy cocoon of a suite. On the flip side, I know as soon as I wake up that I need a meaningful connection. And most times, it\u2019s in between. Sometimes all it takes is a smile from a familiar barista. On other occasions, I need a phone call with a close friend. <\/p>\n One of my go-to tactics is working in a caf\u00e9. Being around a bustling group of people can feel reassuring. It\u2019s rare to find angry friends meeting for coffee and a pastry. The positive energy can lift me.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t know these people personally; none of them would I call a friend. But simply being around others\u2014even without talking or knowing them\u2014can invite what Buddhist nun Pema Ch\u00f6dr\u00f6n calls \u2018unconditional friendliness\u2019 4<\/sup> towards myself, softening my hard edges and slowing a downward swing.<\/p>\n Even walking around my block and giving a nod hello to a neighbour, or a short stroll on the beach for fresh air, making eye contact with a dog owner, and giving a sloppy, playful dog a quick pet can provide me with enough social connection.<\/p>\n Why does this\u2014even this minimal contact\u2014help? Because being among others affirms that I am part of life\u2014and, as strange as it may sound, it reminds me that I exist.<\/p>\n What kind of connection helps you? When I discovered my distinct type, it empowered me, and that in itself is restorative.<\/p>\n \u00a9 Victoria Maxwell<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\nSocial Connection Can Relieve Winter Anxiety, Depression, and Loneliness<\/h2>\n
We Are Wired for Connection<\/h2>\n
How Coffee Shops Lift Me Up<\/h2>\n