\n<\/p>\n
As my friends become homeowners and parents, it often seems like we have less and less to talk about.<\/p>\n
Whenever conversations around the brunch table shift to marriage or housing, I feel myself pull back, sitting quieter and smaller, unsure what I can offer to the conversation.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Like me, civil servant Chen Wei Qi said she often feels left out when conversations with her friends seem to revolve around marriage, housing and children.<\/p>\n
“I definitely see my attached friends much less,” said the 30-year-old.<\/p>\n
Ms Chen added that she feels this shift most when she wants to do things that she and her friends would previously have done together, like running errands or watching a movie.\u00a0<\/p>\n
“Now, thankfully, I\u2019ve come to terms with doing things myself. I don\u2019t and can\u2019t rely on them as much as I did,” said Ms Chen.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Experts said that feeling out of sync with friends is common, and often not a sign that relationships are weakening, but that conversations with these friends no longer reflect your lived reality.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Ms Qhek explained that people regulate their behaviour through feeling understood and included. When that resonance fades, you can feel “invisible” in your circles.\u00a0<\/p>\n
She said it doesn’t mean you are less loved, just that the shared reality that once connected you to the group has changed.\u00a0<\/p>\n
To reduce this sense of “invisibility”, Mr Chong said connecting over shared interests, such as hobbies or sports, not life stages, can reinforce existing relationships.\u00a0<\/p>\n
If not, people can find a renewed sense of belonging by spending time with other singles in interest-based communities such as gardening groups or hiking circles, he added.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Furthermore, experts said drifting apart can be healthy when it reflects genuine growth in the friendship, rather than avoidance.<\/p>\n “A pause (in a friendship) isn’t failure, it’s recalibration,” said Ms Qhek.<\/p>\n Dr Chow noted that friendships can change shape, and letting some soften while expanding your circle “creates space for relationships that fit who you are now”.<\/p>\n Experts also emphasised that friendships can survive diverging paths if both sides remain curious and flexible. Mr Chong described this as maintaining reciprocity while adjusting expectations, rather than forcing the friendship to stay the same as it once was.<\/p>\n For individuals to stay confident and comfortable about pursuing a different path, experts said they should shift their definition of success inward rather than taking cues from those around them.\u00a0<\/p>\n “Confidence strengthens when individuals look inward and ground themselves in their own definitions of purpose and fulfilment,” said Mr Chong.\u00a0<\/p>\n He said that success can be defined, for example, through career achievements or by making meaningful contributions to society through volunteering.<\/p>\n “When individuals anchor themselves in the value of the life they are actively shaping, external expectations around relationships or family size become less defining,” added Mr Chong.<\/p>\n Agreeing, Ms Qhek said this also means shifting from questions like: “Am I doing it right?” to: “Is this true for me?”. She said it can be helpful to keep in mind that every path has trade-offs, including conventional ones.<\/p>\n Dr Chow said it also helps to remember that everyone sees success differently, and not following the mainstream path doesn’t mean you are any less “on track”.\u00a0<\/p>\n She added that it helps to surround yourself with people who appreciate your efforts and celebrate your individuality, rather than judging you for not conforming to social norms.<\/p>\n “There is no single ‘right’ way to live a life. Every path comes with its own mix of challenges, trade-offs and beautiful moments.”<\/p>\n Ms Chen, the civil servant, said she is not focused on societal milestones and is instead creating her own, such as travelling to more countries, obtaining her motorcycle licence, and planning her postgraduate studies overseas.<\/p>\n “Anything to make me feel like I\u2019m not wasting my life waiting to hit these societal milestones,” she said.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\nSTAY CONFIDENT ABOUT PURSUING YOUR OWN TIMELINE<\/h2>\n